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Mec Eng/Renewable energy resources; Carnegie Mellon University / Department/Program?

painglintun 5 / 15 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

My interest to be a mechanical engineer began when I was child. I was eight years old during this time where I was exploring my environment and interests. This inspiration began when I was introduced to my father's workplace where they occasionally repair and assemble cars. At first I was disinterested in the activities that were going on, but one day, my father showed me parts of a car engine that twisted my view. The leading mechanic appeared ahead of my dad, he explained and told us that he was checking each car system to determine whether it is functioning well. I was soaked into it, as he told he was reassembling the engine due to its proper lack of efficiency. These words were strange to me, but my curiosity led me to ask the different engine parts and how it worked. The mechanic replied me with a single sentence "When you grow up, I will tell you what these parts are and how they function." His response led me to further study about the systems involved in the parts.

As I grew older, I become more interested and determined to study more about mechanics involved in engineering. A particular experienced changed my perspective. On that day, I was nearly on the verge of an accident. The traffic lights were all jammed up, cars were stuck all the way. There was no road to curve nor to go ahead. My heart pounded relentlessly, as we had to cross over the rail ways. Once again, rows by rows, car by cars, they were all stuck on the rail ways and roads. Not a single movement went pass by; we were stuck on the rail way lines where the daily train pass by every 30 minutes. Everyone was alert by this, they were all moving faster and faster. But the cars move inches by inches, and as the train move on towards our vision, I become more frightened. My mom went out of the car and told the cars to move on, and tell the current situation. They gladly accept this, but the train was appearing so close that I thought we were jammed. Luckily, we were able to drive through the rail ways. This memory intrigued me on improving the transportation systems. Nearly everyone that passed these rail way felt this conflict, where accidents could happen anytime. When I myself felt this, I notice I need to make a change. Time, pollution, and anger could all be relived from better transportation. There are hundreds of life that would face danger just because of this conflict. Imagine what could happen at night when there isn't an train supervisor, I was shocked with this imagination.

From this event, I have witness many of the dangers that could be faced in my country. I wanted to change a part of it, and as a mechanical engineer in Carnegie Melon, I would be able to fulfill my dreams. The high facilities in research laboratories, and the diverse environment would allow me to implement my ideas into action. I believe by studying mechanical engineering. I would be able to understand the different transportation systems, and to create high efficient car machines. This would replace the old cars that are located in Yangon, and would result in fewer pollutants released into the environment. The green energy that is operating in Carnegie Melon has always influenced and excited me because I believe this is an environment where people share ideas on promoting green power. As I have always thought about creating bio diesel from my father's palm oil company, I want to learn mechanical engineering in this environment where people share similar goals and values. Carnegie Melon would be an environment where I would be able to research and create ideas that could benefit peoples live through the invention of bio diesels. It would provide an alternative to burning fossil fuels, and would also produce less carbon monoxide to the environment.

I look forward to studying in Carnegie Melon, to make a change that could save people's life and improve modernization through the improvement of cars and renewable energy resources.

Please tell me unnecessary parts in the essay, and check the grammatical errors. Thanks in advance, and I will also check your essays if you need help.

UrgentHelp392 1 / 6 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
I look forward to studying in Carnegie Melon, to make a change that could hoping that one day I could save people's life lives and improve modernization through the improvement of cars and renewable energy resources.

this looks good

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