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"mechanical engineering" - UC BERKELEY ESSAY - CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT


loxontop 1 / 2  
Nov 20, 2010   #1
PROMPT:
What aspect of your personality are you most proud of and how has it impacted your life so far?

Any comments would be appreciated and someone should tell me if the end is okay or I should change it.


I am a curious guy and I love to open all sorts of odds and ends to find out what makes them tick. I disassemble anything that I could lay my hands on: big things, little things, even devices that are still fully functional. Once I got the right tool, consider the appliance opened but my parents didn't give my curiosity any backing because it involved the destruction of their cherished household items. They couldn't stop me and my trusty tools but we had to keep a low profile to continue.

I have learnt a lot about a faction of engineering called mechanical engineering just by analyzing the internals of many common devices lying around in the house, noting which went where and what did what but sometimes I didn't know what I was looking at after opening the device. So I gained even more knowledge by devouring books and scouring the internet for any related information I could find.

Curiosity may kill a cat and one day, I'll open the wrong device or cut the wrong wire and that would be my end. That hasn't happened yet and all my curiosity has done is open up new worlds chock full of knowledge that could be harnessed to help people.
Naysam 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2010   #2
I am a curious guy and I love to open all sorts of odds and ends to find out what makes them tick. I disassemble anything that I could lay my hands on: big things, little things, even devices that are still fully functional. Once I got the right tool, consider the appliance opened but my parents didn't give my curiosity any backing because it involved the destruction of their cherished household items. They couldn't stop me and my trusty tools but we had to keep a low profile to continue.

I think the topic sentence is a little weak, how about "Curiosity may have killed the cat but it opened all sorts of odds and ends for me to find out what makes them tick"

I have learnt a lot about a faction of engineering called mechanical engineering just by analyzing the internals of many common devices lying around in the house, noting which went where and what did what but sometimes I didn't know what I was looking at after opening the device. So I gained even more knowledge by devouring books and scouring the internet for any related information I could find.

I think this is the strongest paragraph, short but well detailed

Curiosity may kill a cat and one day, I'll open the wrong device or cut the wrong wire and that would be my end. That hasn't happened yet and all my curiosity has done is open up new worlds chock full of knowledge that could be harnessed to help people.

Maybe you should just avoid " curiosity killed the cat" here and just start the paragraph by " One day I know I'll ...

P.S. avoid contractions and "to be verbs" like had, has, is, was, did, didn't and use more precise terms it will make the essay much stronger

Over all its pretty fantastic

Answer mine please
OP loxontop 1 / 2  
Nov 21, 2010   #3
I guess you are right.
Thanks.


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