I really would appreciate some feedback on this. My deadline is in 30 hours so I really need your help!
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement. *
My intended major, ever since I was in middle school, has been Mechanical Engineering. What excites me so much about this major is that it encompasses a broad range of disciplines. Obtaining a general education in this field would definitely make me adept in whatever career I pursue, be it designing prosthetics or dams and bridges. However, if I get the opportunity, I do want to focus my education around the ever-evolving field of Mechatronics, with emphasis on robotics, human machine systems and manufacturing process design control.
My interest in Engineering, Mechanical Engineering in particular, started at a fairly young age. Being around my father, who is a Mechanical Engineer himself, I learned to look beyond what is visible on the surface of any object. He noticed how I had an insatiable curiosity in science and technology and he fed my inquisitive mind by explaining to me how things worked. There is no doubt that most of it did not make much sense back then, nevertheless I was always fascinated with whatever I could understand. I was never a kid who would play with his toys; rather I was more interested in ripping them apart and seeing how they all worked. Very soon, my mother had to start dealing with mutilated kitchen appliances, my father with dismantled calculators and multimeters and my brother with annihilated radios and other gadgets. Finally, my Physics class in high school, where I was enthralled by the topics covered in Mechanics, provided the ultimate spark that I needed to permanently bind my life with the world of science and technology.
I became interested in the field of Mechatronics in particular because of a unique opportunity that I had back in 2007, when I was still a 10th grader in Bangladesh. I became introduced to field of Mechatronics through a training program in automation technology using pneumatic and electro-pneumatic controls. The training was conducted by instructors visiting Bangladesh from Festo-Didactics, Germany. After successful completion of the training program, I took up an internship position at Greenfield Automation Technologies, which specializes in industrial automation and is the sole representative for FestoŽ in Bangladesh. While interning at Greenfield, I had the opportunity to visit numerous manufacturing industries with its service engineers and gained first hand experience in diagnosing and repairing problems with automated robotic assembly lines. This gave me a decent exposure to the field of Mechatronics, pneumatic technology in particular, and helped me identify the field of study that I truly interested in. It also gave me the chance to explore my creativity and leadership capabilities since I was directly involved in enhancing and improving assembly lines with qualified engineers. I will also be visiting Germany in summer 2010 to participate in another training course in advanced electro-pneumatic automation technology at the Festo-Didactics headquarters.
I am currently working as a teaching assistant (tutor) in my college's Math Success Center, tutoring students in Math, Physics, Engineering and Chemistry. I am also the treasurer of a student organization called "Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics Club" (STEM). We are actively involved in creating an interest amongst students in the aforementioned fields as well as provide support and consultation to them. My involvement with students and fellow tutors, at the math center and the club, have contributed in bringing about my leadership and teamwork capabilities as well as taught me how to communicate with people from various backgrounds, which I believe is vital for any successful engineer. It also gives me scope to do something significant for the community, which has already provided so much for me.
My ultimate academic goal is to research new ways that will help in the development of robotic systems that are more intelligent, reliable, efficient and versatile. I intend to do this by devoting myself to extensive graduate and post-graduate (PhD) level research work. Fifteen years from now, I see myself as an entrepreneur establishing my own firm, designing, manufacturing and marketing intelligent systems that will completely revolutionize the way we use Mechatronics today. I see my products as replacing the need for human intervention in manufacturing industries, therefore reducing costs and eliminating the need to export tasks to foreign countries. However, my ultimate dream is to produce intelligent robots that will replace dangerous and laborious tasks, such as farming and construction, which endanger human lives. I acknowledge that my aspirations are a little overwhelming, but I believe anything is possible with vision, determination, devotion and most importantly, belief in oneself.
"Obtaining a general education in this field would definitely make me adept in whatever career I pursue, be it designing prosthetics or dams and bridges." Maybe a better word than "whatever" might be sufficient. Overall, you sound very passionate about Mech engineering but also go into more of how you'll make your future goals a reality. Good luck.
Very soon, my mother had to start dealing with mutilated kitchen appliances, my father with dismantled calculators and multimeters and my brother with annihilated radios and other gadgets.
Awesome!! Let's get rid of some details and distractions so that these excellent sentences can be emphasized.
I'll get you right to the point in this intro:
Mechanical Engineering has been my intended major ever since I was in middle school.
has been Mechanical Engineering.
See? No commas to slow you down.
This is terrific! I like your writing style and the outlook for the future. How about citing some articles about mechatronics? You are impressive with your... methodical thinking. Hey, google my favorite mechanical engineer: Dr. Yang Jwing-Ming.