Hey everyone,any help on my Duke supplamental essay is really appreciated. Feel free to be as critical and honest as possible. I'll definately return the favor=]
Prompt:If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.
Essay:
In my extended search for the perfect University, my having stumbled across Duke was possibly one of the most fortunate instances in my life. While great academics is exceedingly important to me, I was more so looking for a vibrant community of leaders, friends, and teachers, which is precisely what I found at Duke. I recall playing 'doctor' with my young cousins at the early age of four, and though I was unaware of its complexities at the time, I was thoroughly enticed and instinctively knew that medicine was my calling. The Trinity College of Arts and Sciences proved to be the perfect place to harbor my goals and help them grow into a reality. With 85% of pre-med students getting into medical school, and the variety of summer fellowships available working with skilled researchers, I know Duke will prepare me for a successful life and career.
Aside from the academics, the overall atmosphere of Duke is a major contributor to it being my top school. Even minor details such as the Duke Lemur center-which I would love to volunteer at-or the enthusiasm of the student body before a Blue Devils basketball game gives insight on the character of a school which I would proudly consider my own. I can already imagine myself walking from my east campus dorm to the Gross Chemistry Laboratory for my Chemistry 152L class taught by Dr. Roy, or sipping a smoothie in the Trinity Cafï for a moment of peaceful relaxation. Another aspect of Duke that I admire is its' ability to always want to do better, and to strive for perfection-a quality that I try to implement in myself as well. Rather than simply being content with where it is, Duke is constantly improving, whether it be through constructing a new Center for Interdisciplinary Science Research, renovating Belltower dorms, or simply expecting more of their students' abilities. With the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences,as well as the variety of groups and clubs at Duke university,I know I will meet leaders and friends that I will continue to learn from throughout my university years and for the rest of my life.
Your essay is good. You have made it clear you live close enough to experience the school. One critique, try to change I can already imagine myself walking from my east campus dorm to the Gross Chemistry Laboratory for my Chemistry 152L class taught by Dr. Roy, or sipping a smoothie in the Trinity Café for a moment of peaceful relaxation. You do not want to seem as if you know for sure you are going to get admitted. Try to seem a little more humble in this sentence. Try to say I hope to be walking... If you have space try mentioning how your first campus visit made you feel since you seem you have been there multiple times.
Yusra
I think I read this before, (or your original) but you've improved it phenomenally! Its really nice and eloquently sounding. I don't see any major grammatical flaws so just have a couple persons look it over and I believe that you'll be good to go! Good essay.
I agree with Favour's comment, the humbler the better.
Good Luck!
Hope this helps!
Strawberry78-Thanks,i made sure to fix that! I actually havent visited the campus at all,i just did a ton of research=P
ZhoeK- Thanks=]
Yusra12- You're welcome. I'm here to help. Good luck on your applications as well. :)
You asked me to review your essay, but I really can't
It's great! The examples you used are really specific and show that you really know the school, and the message is really clear.
The only thing I can suggest is rewording a few phrases to make it sound a little better. I think it's more of a reflection of personal choice than something that you really need to fix.
For example, I would personally rewrite "the overall atmosphere of Duke is a major contributor to it being my top school." as "the overall atmosphere of Duke greatly makes it one of my top schools" or something like that.
Again, there is nothing wrong with the way you worded it (I think) but it sounds a bit awkward to me.
Good Luck! :)
I like your essay, it's very duke specific, flows well and shows that you've done research.
I dont see any more grammar flaws except for the ones already pointed out
and I agree with Collegehopfuls, I think beginning with the "doctor" game would be attention grabber, but thats just my opinion
