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Meditation- CommonApp EC short answer response

fida10 3 / 6  
Feb 16, 2012   #1
The word limit is 1000 characters. Topic: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.

29 degrees. Outside, thick frost coated the pitch-black streets. Dawn still seemed hours away. The warm, comforting grasp of my blanket held me enticingly, reluctant to let me go. It felt strange waking up so early on a Saturday. I felt filled, however, thinking of the peace that awaited me. As briskly as possible, without disturbing the quiet, I washed the sleep from my eyes and prepared to meditate.

I enjoy probing with different postures, and it often takes a while to get my muscles poised comfortably. The discomfort of sitting stiffly is gradually replaced by a sense of calm and detachment. As I tap into my spirituality, new ideas and greater focus replace weariness and stress. Slowly, my conscience weaves higher into the clouds of tranquility. At its climax, I am atop a mountain, overlooking the calm expanse of my entire mind. My focus drifts to the edges, where the sun rises over my future. In reality, I open my eyes and see the sun rising, ushering the start of a positive day.

I'm not so sure about the 1st paragraph, but I wanted to give it an interesting start. Hope you enjoy critiquing it. Thanks in advance!
nep123 1 / 2  
Feb 18, 2012   #2
I liked your essay.But ,yes,I would suggest you to make a better conclusion.Though that is also fine.
leviator 7 / 39  
Feb 21, 2012   #3
Very well written.

The first paragraph, though, is written in past tense, and the second in present. Maybe it would sound better if both were present. Then the first para would be more gripping.

Good luck.

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