I haven't even edited it yet, so it's not that great, but do you think the topic is good? I love birds, do I do a good job showing my passion or no??
You are walking down the street when something catches your eye. You stop and stare for a long while, amazed and fascinated. What are you looking at?
I walk down the road of the BLAH BLAH Reservation of the BLAH BLAH Metroparks with my hands in my pockets trying to warm myself from the chilly afternoon. I pull the hood of my hoodie around my neck then dig my hands deeper into my favorite green vest. I love coming here to relax and listen to the sounds of nature, particularly those of the birds. As an avid birdwatcher and bird owner, I have grown to appreciate the creatures immensely. But what is a birdwatcher without a Life List? This is no ordinary grocery list; instead, it is a record of bird species seen and identified by the birdwatcher. Mine is not very large, but I am slowly working my way up.
As I continue walking, I look down and begin to wonder when I will find a new addition to my List. I know there are hundreds of birds in our area, but I just can't seem to find them. I look up in frustration and stop in my tracks. My wish has been answered rather quickly. On the side of the road I see a brown bird a bit larger than my foot-long cockatiel. But this bird isn't longer, it's fatter. Quietly, I step to the side of the road and take little baby steps toward the bird. As I approach, I notice dark spotted feathers on its breast and black bars on the wings. Its feathers are a comforting shade of brown; not too dark, not too bright. But what intrigues me most is the beak; it is longer than the other birds I have encountered. Could this be a woodpecker? No, it can't be.
I take another step forward, but the bird is too engulfed in finding food to notice me. Oh, it's so beautiful. It hops towards a pile of leaves and continues the search, pecking into the hidden shadows. So I don't risk forgetting what the bird looks like, I take my phone out and stalk the bird carefully waiting for the right moment. Once I see it, I press the shutter button and the obnoxiously loud shutter sound startles me and the bird. It stops what it is doing and looks up at me. Then it swiftly takes off, and I notice something new: a white patch of feathers on the bird's rump. That will surely help me in my search.
I head towards a bench and sit down. I type in my observations into my Google app, hoping it will be enough to identify the bird, and press 'Search'. After scrolling a few pages, I find an image similar to the bird I have scared off. The caption reads 'Northern Flicker'. Then I open my favorite website of all: The Cornell Lab of Ornithology. I enter the species and am surprised when I read that this bird was in fact a woodpecker. After another half hour of searching, I notice how dark it is getting. Before I head home, I decide to share my find with my friends and update my Facebook and Twitter feed with the image and a status: 'Meet the Northern Flicker, the new addition to my Life List!'
I begin to head home with my hands in my pockets wondering when my next encounter will be.
You talk about one experience all the way through and it shows well as a keen interest, but why do you like birds? I think you should add a sentence or 2 about that near the end. Other than that the essay is well written :). The words flow together and you don't lose the reader anywhere.
Read mine please :)
I really like this! It flows really well, and I liked how you wrote about putting your hands in your pockets at the beginning and the end to tie the whole piece together. I agree with the person above me; you convey your passion for birds perfectly, but the reader doesn't get a sense of why you're passionate about birds. if you add in a few more sentences about that, you'll have an excellent essay on your hands. :)
