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"MEETING THE CHALLENGE" UC PROMPT #2


iamnicholas1 10 / 17 1  
Nov 19, 2012   #1
Please, tell me if this essay flows well enough, and if there are any words I can cut, please let me know. Thanks so much for all of your help! I appreciate it!

-Nick

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

It's not every day a child attempts to learn the same skill that nearly claimed his father's life just five years before. But that was Danny's story. To the young boy, the three-and-a-half foot end of the community pool might as well have been an ocean. I watched from a distance, readying the kickboard and pull buoy we would use in that day's lesson. Time to test his bravery.

I waded into the shallow water, suppressing the shivering that wracked my body. I needed to make him comfortable. Sacrifice my own wants for the greater good. As I neared, the anxiety on his face was obvious. His eyes were wide, his hands balled into fists. How could I blame him? I had been in his position myself, long ago; I was familiar with the fears of the first swim lesson. But behind his fear, there was the same glimmer of determination I had as a child in his situation; Danny was ready.

"OK, Danny, ready? I want you to jump as far as you can; I'll catch you," I said, hoping my upbeat attitude would convince him of his safety. He hesitated, stepped forward, and dipped his toe into the water. Then it appeared again: Danny's spark of determination. He reared back and pushed off of the deck, arms flailing in the air.

"Are you gonna catch me? Are you gonna catch me?" His faith in me was surprising. Here he was, a neighborhood boy, entrusting his safety to a lifeguard he'd never met before. I caught him, and though we had conquered a major milestone, I knew from experience there was much more work to be done. But that had been enough for the day. Tomorrow, we would try again.

Each morning was the same. At eleven, I would find Danny waiting patiently beside the pool's gate, towel in hand, goggles already on. The moment I removed the padlock, he would dash in as I stumbled groggily behind. He was the first one into the pool, eager to show me what he had practiced on his own outside of our lessons. I couldn't help but smile at his tenacity; he would splash and jump until he was satisfied with his efforts, and even though his technique wasn't perfect, I'd applaud at his progress, hoping that one day even his father would have as much pride in Danny's efforts as I had. But, due to his fear of water, his father never showed. Asking Danny one day if he would ever stop by to see him stroke across the pool, Danny hung his head, replying, "No. He doesn't believe I can swim."

In that moment, all of his hard work made sense. Faced with opposition, Danny worked to improve in order to make his dad proud. He never quit under the pressure, and in a sense, I could relate to his struggle. This is what made his swim lessons so meaningful to me; Danny reminded me of myself as a child. The same determination - the same bravery - that we came to know in our childhood carried over into my young adulthood. Like my young protégée, I am determined to succeed wherever life takes me and to use every challenge as an opportunity to measure my growth. Danny unknowingly became a role model, not only for all others learning to swim, but for his teacher, longing to explore the world for the first time.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 22, 2012   #2
To the young boy, the three-and-a-half foot end of the community pool might as well havehas been an ocean.

As I read it the first time, I couldn't catch your idea.... "migh as well" sounds a bit confusing : (

If you want to cut down the number of words, I think you better shrink the details of Danny's experience... It is too much detailed and you could surely be able to get rid of two to three sentences in that.


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