"the memories of my childhood" - UC Personal; Describe the world you come from.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Here is what I have

I come from a world where memories are just memories until I take the time to make them the reality that laid the foundation of who I am today. Whether those memories are something to be cherished or to be better off left collecting dust underneath my bed, there is no denying that the memories of my childhood had an impact on my world and ultimately made me who I am today.

Just the other day, as I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, I was going through old photographs. As I flipped through one photograph after another, I began to retain information about the memories that lay before me. About how they weren't memories at the time but my life. I was amazed at how those glossy 4" x 5" pieces of paper could bring back so much to me.

I came across a picture of me, my sister, and my two brothers sitting on a beautiful beach on the Big Island of Hawaii back in year 2002.

Now, I have always had a love for the water and aquatic animals. Always. I remember sitting on that beach, looking out at the peaceful waves as night time quickly snuck upon us.

This memory, as simple as it may seem, has been a huge impact on who I am and has helped shape my dreams.
Although I'm not particularly fond of the salty water itself, I am amazed at what lies under those waves. Millions of species of animals, many still unnamed, live on the ocean floor. The ocean is so close to us and covers so much of this world yet it is still undeniably cryptic to us.

My love for the marine life is well supported by my family. When I was younger, I was always told by my family that one day, I was going to be focusing my life towards marine animals and the conservation of our oceans.

As I continued to reminisce over the photographs that are now strewn across my comforter and collecting in heaps over the edge of my bed, the memories and aspirations of doing something about my love for the ocean life, are one step closer to becoming my reality.

I like the overall direction of the paper, but there are some things you need to change.


Your first sentence does need to be worded differently. It did make sense to me once i read it over, but take into account that the people reading these letters are going to have the time to read things over. It's good little intro, it just needs to be fashioned into something a little bit more easy to comprehend.

Also, you need to add to the ending of your essay. Talk about how the ocean has inspired you to protect what can't speak, or how you want to become a marine biologist and help save marine life from extinction. This is something you NEED to add, because without it you are definitely lacking an answer to the question.

Other than that there are a couple things that you will catch that need fixing once you proofread thoroughly EX:


When you write " I begin" it just sounds a little odd.

Another technique you should try at the end of your essay once you add your dreams and aspirations part is trying to tie everything back to the beginning. Meaning you should somehow mention the photographs in the end, this is something I've seen many good essays do.

Good Luck

Thank you very much. I haven't quite finished the ending yet so I know I do need to get into it a little more.

Hey, nice job on the changes.

I think your essay would benefit from maybe just one more sentence of how your love for the sea has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Other than that, I really like your essay. Nice job on tying it back to the beginning on the ending sentence. I know it's pretty personal, but try to get your parents or your siblings to read it and get their feedback. The more people that read your paper the better.

Have Fun.