'memories of my father in my life' - UCF personal experiences

Hey guys I am finishing up my essay for my college app and i need a second review

You open your room door and see all your possessions gone and you wonder who could do something so cruel. The struggle, heard ache, pain, and obstacles I have faced every day in my life have made me the strong young man I am today. However, being able to face the unfriendly world is not as easy as it seems. From a young age I was faced with the responsibility of being the man of my house because my father was almost never there for me. Defending my two sisters and mother from at every corner and still manage to keep a smile.

Blurry memories of my father in my life race through my mind as I wonder why he would continuously leave. Everyday another argument between my parents, being a witness to my mother cry as my father walks out the door. Sitting back and wishing that if I only had the courage and tell him what he is doing is wrong and he should change. Not a day goes by when I the scene of walking into my house and seeing some of our valuable goods is gone because my father has taken them. I have so much respect from my mother because seeing her go to the ends of the world to get everything we lost back is courageous.

She tells me as I get out of the car for school to "never be like your father and strive for the best." With this in mind I go to motivate myself to go to school and make something of myself because I refuse to be a statistic. Currently I am enrolled in a college program called Upward Bound and during college tour we visited University of Central Florida. While listening to are presenter speak I was amazed by the beauty of the school and all it had to offer. The unique architecture, marvelous artwork, and friendly faces that I saw captivated me.

Most importantly what inspired me to apply for the school was hearing about all the programs University of Central Florida had to offer. You can major in almost everything from accounting to computer science or even information technology. Growing up I fell in love with technology building small gadgets, fixing broken hard drives, and learning how the computer works. When I had found that UCF is one of the top colleges in Florida that specialize in technology I had to apply. University of Central Florida also has an abundance of different ethnicities so I get the chance to see different cultures and backgrounds.

In entirety, the experiences I have faced have had a tremendous impact on my life and the goals I wish to achieve. It opened my eyes to reality that you never know what can happen; that pursuing your education to its highest level is key in life. Seeing all the struggles my mother had to endure just so I can succeed is motivating me every day. I see UCF as an opportunity to further progress my learning and to chase my dreams. Looking in the mirror I don't see my father, but I see a very successful, humble, and educated young man.

I like the whole essay. It is moved and intriguing. But the transition into the final paragraph is weak. Try to make it more logical and smooth.

Hope it helpful :)

Would you like to help with my essay? Thanks a lot.