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'memorizing the music during vacation' - SHORT RESPONSE FOR COLLEGE APP


iRainiex 1 / -  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
This is from common application.
-Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Two and a half months of summer vacation, who doesn't want to enjoy their fun before another year of school starts. But for the band kids, we take our last 2 weeks of vacation memorizing the music and marching techniques. Spending 8 hours those two weeks in the scorching summer heat preparing for marching season, it is worth the time and effort to be in band camp. I develop the values of commitment and teamwork for not just myself but everyone else in the band. Band is more like a family. It takes a huge responsibility of learning your music and drills because you don't want to make a mistake in messing up your whole entire band. There are freshmens that are still deciding on whether they want to continue to stay in band. It was my opportunity to give my performance all I got and to inspire them that band is a devotion and although it is a lot of work, at the end, it is worth the payoff.
serdarovez 10 / 33 3  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
It is a great essay, but some parts are little confusing.

You might discuss more of what YOU did , make it more personal than it is now.

grammar part seems to be good

Good luck with your application.
mayfl0wer 6 / 48  
Jan 2, 2013   #3
Spending 8 hours those two weeks

8 hours in total? Or 8 hours daily?

Agreed with the person above me.

Look at mine?


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