I just need a little feedback on this essay. I was wondering if everything flowed well, anything I should add or anything I should leave out. Feel free to let me know.
StrongPointsŽ, Meredith's unique advising and personal coaching program, will help you identify, develop, and use your strengths to build a plan for success at Meredith and beyond in four areas: academic planning, experiential planning, career planning, and financial literacy. Please reflect on your strengths, as you know them, and describe an experience in which you used your strengths to plan for success during your high school years - in the classroom or beyond. (500 word maximum)
Many people have both strengths and weaknesses that allow them to succeed in life. But I try to focus on my strengths to push my self to be the best person that I can be.
One of my personal strengths is organization. For example, I find it beneficial to be organized because it allows me to think clearly and stay focused. I also find it easier to get my schoolwork and studying done. When I am organized I can finish my work much faster and I feel much more accomplished.
Another personal strength of mine is being open-minded. Last year, while on vacation I was given the opportunity to go zip lining. I was extremely terrified because I was the first person in line. I remember the zip-lining instructor telling me to go and I immediately felt paralyzed. I was scared to go because I am intimidated of heights, but my mom has always told me the best time to do anything is in the present. I ended up going zip lining and I had an incredible experience and a lot of fun. It is truly an experience that I will never forget.
A personal strength that I believe defines me the most is my determination. I am a determined person and am always striving to do my best in anything I do. I try to establish what works for me and how I can improve. For example in 9th grade I took Honors Geometry and there were many days where I struggled and I thought I would not be able to do well in this class.There were many times when I thought about dropping the class and switching to a lower level of Geometry. But I studied harder, recieved the tutoring I needed, and worked with my teacher to do my best. Even though I did not make the best grade in this class it taught me that I can persevere through challenging times and I am able to give it my all in any difficult class.
At times, I may feel a little intimidated about what I am capable of, but I have soon come to realize that my strengths define me as a person and will lead me to a successful future.
(375 words)
Thereis,
The biggest problem with the essay is that it really does not demonstrate how you used your skills to plan for success. The geometry example is the closest to answering what you were asked, but it does not quite get there. As far as surface issues, you should make these three corrections:
Myself is one word.
A comma should follow When I am organized,
The first part of the sentence that closes the essay is awkward. Consider recasting it like this: Even though I have not always been confident of my abilities, I now realize that my strengths define me and will make me successful.
Good Luck,
Tampa Tutor Eric
Thereis123, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay by sharing corrections that I think will be helpful for the enhancement of the essay.
- For example, I find it beneficial to be organized because
- Another personal strength of mine is beingI'm also an open-minded individual .
- For example inIn 9th grade I took Honors
- But I studied harder, recievedreceived the tutoring I needed,
- andI worked with my teacher to do my best.
There you have it, I hope my remarks and suggestions helps in enhancing your essay and for future reference,
I suggest that you play with the words you use in demonstrating your ideas as this will add material to your essay.
Do let us know if you need further assistance.
