The prompt is: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
I never met my grandfather. I never got the chance to call him dada, as Indian grandchildren call their grandfathers. When I was younger, I never knew why I only had one grandfather. It was a subject that was evaded at all costs. It wasn't until I was older that I began to question what little I knew of him.
My mom told me the abridged version. My grandfather had been running a successful business in Uganda during Idi Amin's military takeover. Idi Amin ordered all Indians to leave the country, and my grandfather sent my mom and grandmother ahead to India. He was supposed to follow, but they never saw him again.
But that story wasn't enough for me. I needed to know more. And that's what brought me to develop one of my most meaningful passions. I started translating his journal; an unusual book, leather-bound and exuding old-world charm; and written in Gujarati. The job was difficult, because handwriting is subjective and not computer-print perfect.
It was a slow, painstaking work. I would take a letter at a time, and reference it to a list of Gujarati letters. After identifying which letter it was, I would phonetically transcribe the sound the letter made in English. I would then sound out the word, and figure out what it meant.
As time passed, I slowly learned to recognize what each letter looked like and what sound it made. I began to uncover pieces of my grandfather's thoughts. I learned that he secretly wanted to be a doctor, but was forced to study business. I have always wanted to be a doctor, and through that yellowing paper, I forged a connection with him.
It was therapeutic for me. But it also made me realize a love of linguistics. It was intellectually stimulating as well as emotionally curative for me. Looking back, I can realize that while my ultimate goal was to learn about my grandfather, I also learned about myself. I discovered a love of language, because it allowed me to connect with my grandfather, though I never met him. I discovered a love for a challenge. I honed an ability that I never would have had otherwise.
From what I seen this is a pretty good essay. It shows that you have the desire to know or "intelectual vitality" and the preseverance to support it. Furthermore it shows that you have a passion for languages.
However it does not directly say what language you want to learn about. Is Gujarati the only thing you want to learn about or are there other languages?
As for minimizing the characters.... I checked your post and its only 390 words. Well Im guessing that you did not post it all.
Anyway about minimizing it try to reduce the story on your granfather's life and focus on your learning passion. (but dont leave out the part when you painstakingly compare each words).
Best of luck.
good work overall!!
Its a well balanced essay. I m glad to notice how you provide your essay a soul of its own without being excessively emotional.
fact that handwriting is subjective
Well, what do you mean by subjective out here? I doubt if subjective is the proper word.
Will you take a look at my commonapp essay?
Zlop:
Thanks so much for your feedback!
The box on the Stanford supplement tells me that I'm about 400 letters over what I'm allowed to submit, so I have to take a few things out. I agree about reducing the part about my grandfather's life, the essay is supposed to focus more on me. I'll work on it and then repost.
Wanderer_x
Thanks for your feedback!
I completely agree, I couldn't find the right word. I mean to say that handwriting, in any language, has extra flourishes and is based on a person's own style of writing. Each letter is hard to decipher since people don't write their letters the way my reference list says they should be written.
And, yes I can absolutely read your essay. Can you give me a link?
Wanderer_x: never mind, I don't need a link. I found it.
mayble "handwriting was not always legible to follow" would suffice
Wow, this is a great essay.
Since you are short on space, I would try condensing your first two paragraphs into one. It is a touching story, but I think the main point of your essay is about you translating your grandfather's journal.
Perhaps you could condense your first paragraph into one sentence such as
When I was younger, I never knew why I only had one grandfather and it wasn't until I was older that I began to question what little I knew of him.
You lose a bit of your style, but you have to cut out something. Just a suggestion.
Overall I think this is a phenomenal essay. Good job!
Would you mind taking a look at my Stanford intellectual vitality essay?
Thanks for the help!
I'll go check our your essay now
I managed to shorten it! Did I lose anything important?
I also think this is a very good essay! The story you tell is truly amazing. I would consider condensing your first two paragraphs into one...?
You did an excellent job in recounting your experiences and the story is quite interesting. A concise version of the first two paragraphs might be even more impressive. I believe you want the reader to focus more on the "realizing your grandfather" part, right?
Hope this would help.
Thanks so much for the feedback everyone!
Woah, great essay. Overall, this essay is outstanding. I love how you utilize a search for information about your grandfather convey how you are as a person. I dont see how you cant improve your essay as its beautiful!
Wondeful essay, I think Stanford will be impressed. I like how you brought emotions in. Your edited version is better, but you still kept all important parts.
