Hi I'm applying to a couple of programs that ask me why I chose the major i did.. what I want to do with it... etcetc.. I was wondering is someone could read it over and let me know what they think... if its boring/interesting.. needs editing? etc..
Sorry its a little lengthy.. just under 500 words!
If you were asked to name a career in which one's daily duty is to save lives, what would you say? The ubiquitous answers would be along the lines of a police officer, a firefighter, or a doctor. The one job that no one regards as "life saving" is that of a meteorologist. However, every day, hundreds of dedicated meteorologists analyze weather patterns and apply algorithms to determine what natural disaster is approaching what area of our world. Is there a tsunami on the way to Hawaii, is a hurricane forthcoming in the Caribbean, or is a deadly storm going to impact someone around the world? In a few years, this is where I see myself. Whether I am at a computer inputting facts, behind the scenes analyzing data from diagrams, or in front of the camera delivering the latest information from storm central, I know that my life will revolve around saving the lives of others, as a meteorologist.
I believe that my personality and character align with the traits needed to be a meteorologist. Presently, I am very inquisitive about how the world climate is changing both globally and around me, how the environment works, how I can protect my environment, and how I can protect people from the dangers of the environment.
While performing community service for Project Hospitality in Staten Island, the volunteers prepared the community for the unexpected. We developed an emergency plan for both natural and man-made disasters, suggesting life-saving actions. The plan included a detailed explanation of thunderstorms, tornadoes, and lightning, a "to do" list for when one is caught in severe weather that could possibly save a life, and a preparation list for when severe weather is approaching. One of the key aspects of this plan was to check the elderly, the children, and the disabled when severe weather threatened them. Many volunteers like me had the responsibility of getting them to a safe environment, when needed.
We primarily focused on the Great Kills area of Staten Island and educated its residents on actions to take during flash floods, which often occurs on Amboy Road. We built a large sign that said, "TURN AROUND, DON'T DROWN" (which was later posted on the overpass above the danger area). A flash flood is very fast, dangerous and powerful, and when it occurs, drivers can unknowingly drive their cars into the hazardous rising water, causing accidents and stalled vehicles. This sign would warn people to stay away when a flash flood warning was in effect.
With meteorology, I will use my knowledge to warn others of potential dangers. In order to be able to predict this information, I will perform cutting edge research to find answers to basic questions about our surroundings, and develop applications that are critical to not only our own lives but to the human race. At the end of the day, what drives me to become a meteorologist is the desire to learn more about the unpredictable.
Your essay Does a lot more telling than showing. You should rewrite it to show instead of tell.
For example, you write:
We primarily focused on the Great Kills area of Staten Island and educated its residents on actions to take during flash floods, which often occurs on Amboy Road. We built a large sign that said, "TURN AROUND, DON'T DROWN" (which was later posted on the overpass above the danger area). A flash flood is very fast, dangerous and powerful, and when it occurs, drivers can unknowingly drive their cars into the hazardous rising water, causing accidents and stalled vehicles. This sign would warn people to stay away when a flash flood warning was in effect.
Your entire essay reads like... I did this, I did that, a flash flood is this, etc. You should reword it to say something more introspective.
Can you read my essay?
