"The Mexican" Personal Statement

[*let me know if i should add or take anything out, thx!*]
I have always been inspired to triumph and be successful by many different people. I am always motivated to do well in order to reach my goals. Though, sometimes it's hard to stay focused and keep working hard I can say that the two most important people who keep me motivated have to be my mother and father. They have played a huge role in who I am as a person today.

When I was just two years old my parents made the huge sacrifice to leave our home and move to a country with a very different life style to achieve the American Dream. We packed our few belongings and off we went to the land of dreams.

My parents arrived to this country with little money and four kids not speaking or understanding any english. It was hard settling down and tough for them to find jobs where english wasn't required. They eventually began working but worked long hours for very little pay, all was worth it because they wanted the best for my brothers and I.

My brothers began school as soon as we arrived and a few years later I did too. It was difficult learning English because Spanish was all that was spoken at home. We struggled to adapt to the new culture but eventually became accustomed. My parents always encouraged us to try hard in school and to not give up because they hoped one day to send us all off to college.

Although my brothers weren't fortunate enough to attend college I am determined to be the first in my family to go to a four year university. As soon as I began high school I was set to do my best which I very well achieved my freshman year. My sophomore and junior year were more challenging because I had more responsibilities. I decided to get a part-time job to help my parents out. It was difficult to balance both my school work while working roughly twenty-five hours a week. Working through out my sophomore and junior year was tough but I learned how to manage my time and gained a lot of responsibility and independence which I don't think I would have learned if I hadn't worked.

I feel that I have become both a hard working student and a hard working employee with determination to achieve my goals and overcome any obstacles I face. I know I can succeed in anything I set my mind to because of the motivation I have to be something great. Just like I learned from my parents I stay focused and don't let anything hold me back from achieving my American dream.

I am always motivated to do well in order to reach my goals.

Though sometimes it's hard to stay focused and keep working hard, I can say that the two most important people who keep me motivated have to be are my mother and father.

They have played a huge role in (shaping, creating,?) .. who I am as a person today.

My parents arrived in this country with little money...

They eventually began working but worked long hours for very little pay, though all was worth it because...

As soon as I began high school I was determined to do my best, which I very well achieved my freshman year.

My sophomore and junior years were...

It was difficult to balance both my studies and work, while working roughly twenty-five hours a week.

Working throughout my sophomore...

Your essay is pretty great, well told and interesting. Good luck in school!

Working through out my sophomore and junior year was tough but I learned how to manage my time and gained a lot of responsibility and independence which I don't think I would have learned if I hadn't worked.

try giving an example of this, but then how you overcame it

Just like I learned from my parents, I stay focused and don't let anything hold me back from achieving my American dream.

Love the part about the American dream! Maybe you can add something tiny at the end because it's a strong finish, but I feel like if you elaborated and added a description it would hit home much better :)

Good essay!