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'Mexican students' Why Upenn? Undergraduate admissions essay


2014MSETI 2 / 2  
Dec 27, 2013   #1
Instructions: The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)

A college with an excellent mathematics department in a thriving metropolis with endless research and job opportunities, and the option to take courses from other colleges, oh, and I forgot to mention need-blind for Mexican students! I think I'm in love... and her name is the College of Arts and Sciences (CAS). Well, I think I'll just call it admiration, it sounds a little less disturbing.

I have started considering computer science as a possible area of study that will complement a math major. This is why I'm pleasantly surprised to read CAS actually encourages a computer science minor since it may "not only be pedagogically sound, but also indicate a skill to a prospective employer". This reassures me that it is a good academic path to follow, especially since I want to be able to work in the telecommunications industry.

I also wish to develop my leadership skills and take part in community service projects, just as I have been doing in the student club I created in my high school on Mexico. Being able to help others who are in unfortunate situations is extremely fulfilling and it allows me to always stay in touch with reality about the situation of our society. The Civic House Associates Coalition is an opportunity for me to do just that. Working with others in a group is essential as it will teach me to maintain harmony in a group as well as to work efficiently, skills which are very important in any industry.

Internships are golden opportunities for college students since they show that a student has had real world job experience and one can even pick up new skills. I was even more determined to apply to the University of Pennsylvania's College of Arts and Sciences after I read that it sponsors twenty research internships in museums and book archives. I don't consider myself the best writer, although I'm very creative, but that is certainly a skill I want to hone. I just recently had an idea for a drama and I have started developing that idea on paper. I've just discovered that creative writing is extremely fun and I've adopted it as a hobby, although I have to admit that there's room for improvement regarding my eloquence. Working with books and films over the summer, I hope to work on my writing skills, and the $3,300 I will be paid at the en d of the internship are just the cherry on top! Getting paid to do something that I enjoy sounds amazing: just the thought of it is exhilarating. I guess this is how the cast of Jersey Shore felt when they were getting paid for researching the psychology and lifestyle of the Guido specimen!

The University of Pennsylvania, especially the opportunities they offer along with the College of Arts and Sciences, will help me exploit my full potential in order to not only pursue but achieve my academic and career goals.

This is only 493 words, do you guys think that I should add more stuff ( if so like what?) and get closer to the 650 word limit, or do you think this is ok the way it is?
MBLTheNumbaOne 4 / 8  
Dec 27, 2013   #2
Long essays often become too boring and time-consuming for admissioners, so it should not be a big concern for you. Also avoid writing informally(well, I guess, etc...). Only thing that's missing(although not too important) is specific area of study you are interested in, which many of applicants talk about.
Oryx97 5 / 7  
Dec 29, 2013   #3
This is too superficial...you need to tell the admissions officers more about yourself. When you mention Civic House Associates Coalition, for example, you should describe it more. What is your role? How has it impacted your life? How did you develop an interest for it? Details, details, details.


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