U of Miami Getting Started on inspiration

C. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describes that influence.

Among the many incredible people I have met, my friend Elizabeth is one whom I have come to admire the most. Although she is just seven years older than I she possesses an incredible wisdom of life. Besides being my youth group teacher she is also a very close friend to me, the kind that will never let you fall behind or tell you what you want to hear. I will never forget a time when my parents and I were going through a very difficult time; given the new and sudden decisions I was making regarding my future education, and although I respect and admire them both very much I was very angry and disappointed in them for not supporting me in one of my new grown up decisions. All my friends were there giving me advice and support, but it wasn't until I heard my friend Elizabeth say "There will be no one that could ever have your best interest at heat than your own parents," that I realized, she was right. She had in a few words shown me in love what I was blind to acknowledge. She had shown me that with a few acts of kindness and an open heart I could better understand my parent's motives and analyze my situation better. Indeed putting this attitude into practice, allowed me to restore my family relationship and resolve the matter. Her influence changed my perspective on how I approach my problems and has made me grow as a person. It is with her untouchable example that I find inspiration on how I want to be when I am her age, a professional woman who lives out an impeccable Christian life and who is a big influence on those around her, someone who stands up for what she believes in and is fearless towards the unknown. I find her influence strong on me being I can see my history reflected in her, she has also had to face the challenge of starting new in a different country and fight for her dreams. I believe her attitude towards life is what is most influencing on me for she teaches both with words and actions that life is all about the attitude and the passion you live it with, that is not only what you achieve, but what you do with what you accomplish.

Good afternoon.

A couple of mechanical suggestions. First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate. Second, there is a typo in your quote: "...interest at heart ..." Also, there shouldn't be a comma after "realized."

"Parent's" should be "Parents' "

The comma after "practice" should be removed.

There should be a semi colon after "...on those around her; ..."

Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.

Your content is good. You describe your friend well, as well as her influence on you. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
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