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U of Mich Supplement Community Essay "Running Community"


ElizabethHay 1 / 2  
Aug 5, 2012   #1
I would love some feedback on this mini essay, it is still in the beginning stages.

Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

Slamming her warm up shoes into the corner of the tent , Gabe angrily declared, "It's windy." The six of us in the tent sighed. Nothing needed to be said, we were equally as upset. Trudging to the starting line, the other teams appeared. Blank expressions and tough exteriors started to take their places. Getting ready to start our cross country race, I looked to either side of me. Although we were competing, I knew everybody had the adverse conditions on their mind. In fact, being part of the running community, I knew that every time we began a race, there was a silent vow of respect for one another. There was a hope for everybody, no matter from what team, to succeed. We all shared experiences of hitting the alarm at 7 in the summer time to run 9 miles. We have been conditioning since June, for one race in November. We knew, all too well, the tragedies and triumphs of reaching a new personal record.

Then there was my team, dressed in orange and ready to overcome the windy obstacle. I was the captain, the steady force that lead the girls. To me, the title was strange. I was used to being the underdog. After being cut from the volleyball team in tenth grade, I wedged my way up the rankings. But now, as the mist began to fall and the official took out his gun, I was certain that I was always meant to be a runner. With a pull of the trigger I began to run, to once again define who I am.
Bobino23 1 / 3  
Aug 5, 2012   #2
This essay is actually fantastic. I was considering writing mine on tennis, but I still think you should talk more about your PLACE within cross country. Sure, you're captain and all, but what does cross country mean to you as a runner? If that makes any sense
OP ElizabethHay 1 / 2  
Aug 5, 2012   #3
Thank you so much! I understand what you mean about my place in cross country. I'll play around with it. The 250 word limit is challenging. I was nervous about writing about sports because I was afraid it would be too stereotypical. I think if you do it in a fresh way, it can be captivating. I say go for the tennis thing if it is who you are!
Bobino23 1 / 3  
Aug 11, 2012   #4
Yeah it's not going to be very easy, sometimes though there is so much you can write about! But, I had a friend who was admitted to Michigan this year, and she wrote about hockey, and apparently our english teacher shed a few tears at how beautiful it was. So i guess writing about a sport passionately, works quite well, and gets your character across :) But the elaborating on extracirricular activities on the common app is even worse (150 words!!)


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