#1 Prompt: Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
Even though I have become accustomed to the cultural differences in my school, there was one occasion that I truly experienced the differences in cultures. In my junior year, one Indian girl named (___) moved to our school. At first, I was surprised to see an Indian whom I'd only imagined. Big eyes, black hairs, brown skin and a red dot on a forehead. However, we soon became good friends as we had the same activity.
On March, we went to Beijing for Model United Nations. At the first day, our group discussed what to have for dinner, and (___) said she couldn't eat meat for her religious reason. We were all shocked because no one had ever seen a Hindu in front of us although we might had heard about it. Soon, however, we respected her and decided to have a vegetarian diet. In the restaurant, we talked about her prohibition against eating meat. I thought she would feel bad about it because she couldn't have meat which everyone likes, but her answer was the opposite. She said she didn't feel envy for the others eating meat, and even hated the smell because she had never tasted it before.
If I didn't have that chance, I would still have the prejudice that Hindu are "forced" not to eat meat against their wants. Through this experience, I learned how differently people in other cultures may react to the same occasion. Facing cultural differences gave me the ability to understand the different perspectives, and the willingness to respect these differences.
I think my conclusion is kind of weak, but i don't know how to improve it. what can I do without making it wordy? Also, please correct my grammar - my weak point! :(
#2 Prompt: What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?
Business field is the area that I have the greatest interest, international business in particular. Before entering the high school, I didn't have interest in this field. In my junior year, however, things began to change. I took an AP Economics class, but the teacher was really strict about our grades. However, his knowledge of the subject was profound enough to hold my attention all the time. Not only did he lecture on the concepts, but also he let us read the current news. It made me aware of the real economic issues and application of economic principles to them. In fact, the true business stories interested me much more than the theoretical concepts. Eventually, I realized that this field is the perfect match for me, considering my mathematical and economical way of thinking.
In addition to this, the reason for my preference to "international" business is my globalized perspective earned through the experiences in the international school. Living overseas, I have widened my viewpoint from a local outlook to more globalized one. Before moving into China, I thought becoming an English teacher in Korea would suit me, but now I believe that more adventurous jobs, traveling from one country to others, are more for me. As I feel excited to have friends of different nationalities in my current school, working with people from different countries would be a lot of fun. In short, considering my interests in the economics and the global world, international business is the best choice for me.
The factor that I'm most concerned is grammar and fluency. Please help me out~
Even though I have become accustomed to the cultural differences in my school, there was one occasion that I truly experienced the differences in cultures. In my junior year, one Indian girl named (___) moved to our school. At first, I was surprised to see an Indian whom I'd only imagined. Big eyes, black hair , brown skin and a red dot on her forehead. However, we soon became good friends as we shared the same activities .
In March, we went to Beijing for Model United Nations. On the first day, our group discussed what to have for dinner, and (___) said she couldn't eat meat for religious reasons . We were all shocked because no one had ever seen a Hindu in front of us although we might have read about Hinduism . Soon, however, we respected her and decided to try a vegetarian diet. In the restaurant, we talked about her prohibition against eating meat. ...
This is very thoughtful!! Did you stick with vegetarianism? That would be interesting to mention...in order to strengthen the conclusion.
Business is the area of knowledge in which I have the greatest interest, international business in particular. Before entering high school, I didn't have interest in this field. In my junior year, however, things began to change. I took AP Economics, and the teacher was really strict about our grades. However, his knowledge of the subject was profound enough to hold my attention all the time. ...
Before moving to China, I thought that becoming an English teacher in Korea would suit me, but now I believe that ...
Nice job! Your grammar is not so bad after all!
