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'Mid-Ohio Food Bank' - Common App- Evaluate a significant experience- Volunteering


hpanther13 1 / 1  
Sep 12, 2012   #1
The prompt is- evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. Can someone please check that the structure of my writing is appropriate for what colleges look for, the prompt is answered sufficiently, I convey myself through my response, as well as any grammatical errors? Thank you in advance!!!

A life lived in the service of others is a life worthwhile.

One might initially shy away from the thought of rising early on Saturday mornings to slice open cardboard boxes, stock shelves with a wide array of donated food items, and initiate conversation with hundreds of unfamiliar people. For me, however, these actions have allowed me a priceless opportunity- a chance to find myself, a chance to find my passion.

As a first-time volunteer at the Mid-Ohio Food Bank, I was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that come along with new situations. I was excited to meet new people outside of my own familiar community, yet anxious and uneasy about doing so alone. These feelings soon faded as one of the head volunteers, Mark, acknowledged me with his characteristic warm welcome of "Hey! How are ya?". Following Mark's example, I began gathering items from the stock room to be unloaded into the grocery area. Once the shelves and freezers were overflowing with a variety of fresh produce, I was allowed to serve as a shopper's assistant to the families that would come through the grocery area.

Although this would soon become my Saturday morning routine, my experiences as a volunteer would extend far beyond this. I have had the great fortune to not only aid families in learning about the benefits of proper nourishment through healthy food selections, but to get a glimpse into the lives of people outside of my community. Furthermore, I have been blessed with the willingness of others to confide in me stories that are very personal to them including one mother's account of her daughter's difficult encounters with the other girls at her school.

My opportunity to be a regular volunteer at the Mid-Ohio Food Bank has allowed me to understand the values of compassion and acceptance. No person should be judged by the hardships that have come their way in life. It is my priviledge as a volunteer to help these individuals get back on their feet. I have also come to realize the harsh reality that hunger could be as close to home as one's next door neighbor. Hunger inflicts itself upon every age, gender, race and status in society.

Furthermore, I have come to realize that true service comes from the heart. In doing so, it allows for lasting bonds to be formed with those you serve. There is no greater feeling in the world than hearing stories from a mother about how much her children loved the recipe I recommended, the warm smiles and handshakes that are shared with those who long to feel love, empowering adults to give back in the form of their own service at the Mid-Ohio Food Bank, and knowing that I no longer need a nametag to be indentified by the families that come through each weekend.

A once very reserved individual, I have experienced the power of communication and association with others. I am delighted that I have found my true joy in service to others.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Sep 24, 2012   #2
Hello Heather,

I like your essay but there may some spots where things can be improved. In particular I want to look at your opening statement. I feel your sentence structure may need to be re-worked a bit to make it more engaging and make your sentences drag on a bit less.

I have spent many early Saturday mornings slicing open boxes, stocking shelves etc.

then with your next sentence....These are things most people would shy away from but for me....

A strong opening is important, as well as making sure you don't over complicate what you are trying to say. For example, changing "I was experiencing" to "I experienced". Small changes, but they can make a big difference.

Also, try to keep everything to the same tense.

My opportunity to be a regular volunteer at the Mid-Ohio Food Bank has allowed....this can be cut down to Regularly volunteering at the Mid-Ohio food Bank allowed....Just another example.

Hope this helps, overall it's still good, just needs a slight edit and you'll be good to go

Good luck!!


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