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Milestone for our company; Business Management and Marketing- UK Personal Statement


veronica100 1 / 6  
Jan 8, 2013   #1
Since I was a child, I have thought of myself as an individual with a great mission for humanity. I was born to succeed and to help others to succeed. How? Through my dedication, my loyalty, my confidence and my courage to go with my instinct and to try new approaches. In order to accomplish this, I decided to deepen my studies and to enter into the fascinating world of business.

In high school I discovered my call in the Economy class through which I developed my strategical and competitive thinking among with my logic. Beside my inclination to foreign languages, sciences such as Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics have been my passions. I participated in many competitions where I was distinguished with significant prizes, all thanks to my concerns about everything around me, starting from the atom and to the universe. In order to better myself I took part in Experimental Chemistry, Journalism and English courses at the Children Palace for 5 years now.

Beside my academical achievements, I have worked for 2 years in the simulated company, PacKING SRL, where I enriched the bases of my economical and entrepreneurial skills. I was selected from more than 500 applicants thanks to my performances and after half a year of psychological observation each of us was directed to a certain field, suitable for our aptitudes and character. I became responsible for the management accounting. Thus, I had the chance to put my inborn managerial skills and my experience into practice and I really felt the business adrenaline in my veins, managing to obtain substantial profit.

A competition where I was assigned to be the manager of my school project is the "Euroscola Contest". The result exceeded our expectations: we won and therefore we had the opportunity to go to the European Parliament in Strasbourg. That experience opened my eyes and made me realise that even if we are different, together we can achieve everything. Last year I got involved in the multilateral Comenius project "CO2 Awareness raising- From Footprint to Tiptoe, From Elephant to Mouse" and due to my dedication and hard work I was selected to go to a partner school in Bulgaria as an exchange student. Besides the effort I put in this project, I had the opportunity to live in a different environment with my "adoptive family" and to interact with a different society.

Furthermore, I have been involved in various NGO and in the last 4 years I have taken part in over 400 hours of volunteering. In this period I have been a member of Red Cross Romania where I have participated in activities, such as: after school, food bank (we encouraged people to donate food for those in need), giving first aid at pilgrimages and other cultural or sport events. I attended the international camp "Leaders for Tomorrow" organized by Red Cross Sibiu, through which I truly discovered myself. I was placed in a leading position, thus being forced to get the best out of me. All these projects had a huge impact on my development and Red Cross was like a second home to me, because I have learnt there what real life stands for. At the same time I have been a member of AELVA, an organization at school, where I have managed to organize different events, proms, trainings and debates and we continued the traditions of our school. Therefore, I became more organized and I improved my team work and public speaking skills. I have also been a member of Scout Movement for 3 years, organization which is based on "learning by doing". During this time, besides all the interesting skills that I inured about surviving and camping, I have developed my goal setting, decision making, money management and working under pressure abilities. So far this has been the best thing that ever happened to me and it gave me a different perspective on life, getting to know people from all around the world with different cultures and mentalities. I have been a volunteer for six months at euRespect organization, place where I have met a lot of people with disabilities, where I have adopted a more tolerant and empathic attitude and where I have succeeded to change other people views about persons with locomotion problems.

As a result of my determination I have earned the Bronze and Silver Standard in the International Award for Young People, therefore making me think of myself as a powerful woman who can achieve anything I put in mind.

In ten years from now I see myself surrounded by innovative people with great ideas, planning a new milestone for our company. Therefore, studying in Great Britain would be the best thing for me and it would give me the opportunity to enrich your university status.
manjot 2 / 30  
Jan 9, 2013   #2
Okay, you need more substance to the start.

As a result of my determination I have earned the Bronze and Silver Standard in the International Award for Young People, therefore making me think of myself as a powerful woman who can achieve anything I put in mind.

The last part is a bit... feisty !, personally, I would change that. There are some grammatical errors here and there, you should proofread it .
OP veronica100 1 / 6  
Jan 10, 2013   #3
Thank you for your opinion. I will definitely take it into consideration.

The dead line for application if very close and I still have to remove 700 characters (due to the imposed limits) and if you could help me to revise it also it would be even better. So, what do you think it's irrelevant from my essay?
manjot 2 / 30  
Jan 10, 2013   #4
Okay, You do have a lot of experiences , you have to cut one of them. You should begin by describing a piece of circumstance or dialogue ( if you can ) that you encountered in one of many experiences.

I have been a volunteer for six months at euRespect organization, place where I have met a lot of people with disabilities, where I have adopted a more tolerant and empathic attitude and where I have succeeded to change other people views about persons with locomotion problems.

you should describe the organization and cut "place"

where I have adopted can be framed better. where I learnt to be compassionate and grateful sounds better. The bold paragraph can be much better. Cut back on some experiences and focus on the most influential and add part parts to opportunities in the Great Britain or what you plan to do with your education, thats much more important than listing all of your experiences

Good Luck and Proofread !
OP veronica100 1 / 6  
Jan 12, 2013   #5
Colin Powell once said: "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure." I believe I was born to succeed and to help others to succeed. How? Through my dedication, loyalty, confidence and my courage to follow my instinct and try new approaches. In order to accomplish this, I decided to further my studies and enter the world of business.

Is this beginning any better?


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