The question is: Why do you want to attend a service academy? (500 max)
I feel like my essay doesn't flow great but it's a little long and I'm not sure what to cut or add or change. I would really appreciate any and all feedback!
Service. Structure. Ethics. Challenge.
All these things are important to me, and are reasons why I want to attend a Service Academy and become an Army Officer. I would love to go to a Service Academy because of the opportunity to serve my country, the daily structure it provides, the strong ethical code, and the diverse challenges it offers, physically and mentally. But my conviction to become an Army Officer truly solidified in a moment forever engrained in my heart.
My friend sat under the soft glow of the porch lights, strumming her guitar and singing softly with a voice full of serenity. Friends and family sat around in light sweaters with drinks in hand, smiles already showing contentment, casually listening to her play. The early spring air was crisp, the sun had set, and I was overwhelmed with the peaceful joy of being surrounded by people I love. As I sat there truly content, thoughts rolled around in my head, with a carefree and hopeful air I loved these people here with me; I loved the freedom and safety we had in that moment and I realized I did not want anyone to have to give that up. In that moment of genuine love, my conviction to become an Army Officer grew even stronger. I wanted to keep these people safe and free and I was willing to give my life to ensure that. I could not imagine my aunt pregnant with twins, or my brother with autism, or my friends with ambitions of their own fighting for their lives, oppressed, without freedom. The privilege they have to hold, their beliefs, what they want to enjoy, and the ability to choose their leaders is precious. I aspire to keep this hope and happiness alive, this American dream of pursuing your interest and accomplishing your dreams. Nothing should bind creativeness and humanity. My heart aches for the oppressed, especially as I realize that I would be persecuted for my belief in Christianity in fifty-one countries. I want to become an Army officer to protect the people I love, and to promote freedom that inspires me. To me, this picture of my friend singing, surrounded by family and friends, embodies freedom. I want to join those already protecting our privileges, which America has fought and died for. This moment on the porch in early spring solidified my decision to be an Army Officer. Even reminiscing back to that moment of realization, my heart is gripped with a sense of duty to protect my country. To me there is no greater way to do this then by becoming an Army Officer, by attending a Service Academy. I desire to be challenged, to get a great education, and to be in an environment with a moral code that I believe in. I want to be immersed in a culture where I will get all of these things along with an opportunity to serve my country. I aspire to be an excellent Army Officer, and I believe that by going to a Service Academy I can accomplish this. I can protect my friends and family and our free country best this way. Freedom was obtained by a cost, but because of courageous heroes' efforts, it can now be given freely.