Hi! I will apply Ewha Womans Unıversity as an undergraduate level for spring semester 2020.I still have time to rewrite it.Please let me know if ı made any mistake.Thanks in advance.
Essay topic:
Describe some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
March 13, 2016, 18.45
A warm spring day. I am walking with my earphones on, softly blowing wind accompanies the song that ı am listening. I am thinking about how it was a hard day after long courses in school and academy. Notwithstanding ı do every Sunday,ı decided to take the metro instead of a bus all of sudden. While walking in a rush ı felt that ground is shaking with vigorous noise.No it is not an earthquake, it's impossible to occur an earthquake in Ankara. Then, what was that? I take down my earphones slowly to understand what is going on clearly. I was perplexed. People are screaming to each other ''Run!'' , ''Just run!'' and ı see them crying, running and yelling. And ı can't even move any part of my body. Not even my finger, ı was in shock. Smoke in the sky is getting higher and higher, ambulances and police cars come and goes. People are yelling their friends, wives, boyfriends names to ensure if they are alive. That moments ı spent in here was the longest minutes of my life. It was a Terrorist attack that 38 people died while waiting for a bus. That happened in the capital of Turkey a couple of years ago. It was fate or luck that ı decided to take the metro in that day, ı will never know.
Terrorism. You will never know where or when you get an attack. And no matter where you live in a metropolitan area in Europe or the middle of the war in Gaza. Its frightens people despite their age, gender and race.
After that horrifying day, whenever ı am waiting for a bus with numerous of people or hearing a sound of fireworks ı startle and get scared, the attack destroyed my feeling of security. This unfortunate experience has led me to think about how kids and young people overcome their struggles in war or bombing attacks. And most of the time they don't have even a house.
Thousands of children have been dying because of violence at war every year. Children living in violent terrorized environments experience such horrors as the destruction of their home and the death of their parents, siblings and friends. They can not go out without the fear of being shot or bombed, they leave the house knowing it might be the last time. They cant eat properly, they can't even find clean water to drink. Such tragic events are so frequent and take place nearly every other day.
Children living in the war-related area that have been exposed to and are suffering from a range of trauma and abuse. This puts them at high risk for the development of mental health problems will carry these heavy emotional burdens into adulthood.
To have better options, victims of terror tries to migrate all around the world. Migration is a very delicate problem that almost every country faces these days. There are now more than 70 million refugees and displaced people around the world. And today, one out of every 35 people in the world is an immigrant. There are more than 4 million refugees lives in my country, Turkey, today. Furthermore, several of them run the risk of death in unsafe in the boat while trying to reach their gateway to Europe.
They accept to work in substandard or hazardous conditions for lower-wage, for children between the ages of 6-18 education is undoubtedly the most crucial factor. Therefore providing an education for these children has become an urgent problem. They deserve to live a fearless and appropriate condition of life as much everyone does.
It is utterly unrealistic to think millions of immigrants would not be a serious problem. It must concern every people in this world. Refugees should not be treated as passive recipients of humanitarian they should be permitted to get a role in society and get behave equally.@aleylelluyah
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best of luck in your applications. Let me try to assist you in your writing to hopefully help you boost your chances.
Firstly, the general flow of writing is well done. I would only suggest improving bits of it through ensuring that your writing is substantially put-together. Try to not be too burdened with emotional impulses at times when writing - this will help you curate a more organized storytelling pattern. Remember that evoking emotion does not equate always to putting everything out.
Remember that, since this is an application essay, it would also be in your best interest to balance everything out with more professionalism. Try to not just focus on personal anecdotes - but remember what this essay truly is for. And then write accordingly.
Best of luck.
