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U of Minnesota - My Dream, My Will


KeonYe 6 / 17  
Feb 22, 2009   #1
In English, describe your educational interests and goals, educational background, special interests, and plans for when you return to your home country. Include any information you would like the Admissions Committee to be aware of, including any extenuating circumstances. You must write this statement yourself without help from others. (Maximum 4,000 characters)

My Dream, My Will

From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a kid, I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from Lego bricks. I also separated old toy cars into electronic components and plastic pieces, and reassembled them back together. From these ordinary toys, I derived my incessant enthusiasm for physics. "Why are the wheels of the toy cars made of rubber?" "How can I increase the car's velocity?" These types of questions always intruded my mind. Using limited materials and knowledge, I sought for the answers to every question I had. For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and there I had successfully increased the car's speed. Toys were not just toys for me, but often vehicles of learning.

During my high school years, I was acquainted with subjects like Physics and Chemistry. Many questions to which I could not find the answers were answered by these subjects. I acknowledged science, particularly physics, as my true interest. Hence, I wanted to be an engineer. However, I often questioned myself, am I eligible to be one? It was a question to which I could not find the answer in any Physics books. I decided to work part-time for a computer company during my school holidays in search for the answer.

I had been exposed to more knowledge about technology in the computer company. I was awed but not intimidated by the intricate electronic components as my interest in physics intrigued me to learn more. However, I did not always do well. I accidentally connected the wrong wire on a motherboard and damaged it. Although I faced failure, I never shirked. If I could not even handle a computer, how could I handle projects such as automobile designs as an engineer in the future? The failure in installing a motherboard may simply involve monetary loss, but failure in handling an engineering project could involve loss of human lives! Learning from my mistakes, I was finally able to set up and repair computers independently. I felt confident in myself and believed that I could do well in engineering.

To prepare myself adequately for the engineering courses, I received a well-rounded education including studies in sciences and humanities. I took Calculus, Physics and Chemistry as these subjects help provide a strong foundation for my further studies in engineering. The theories about dynamics, differential equations, and others which I learned from these subjects would definitely turn out useful when I need to apply them in the real working field. I also took humanities subjects like Introduction to Moral Education and Ethics. These subjects helped build my characteristics. I believe that a good personality plays an important role for an engineer as this career requires strong interpersonal skills.

I set my goal to become a mechanical engineer, as I feel the need to contribute. I believe that knowledge shines the most when it is used for other people's sakes. Hence, I aim to improve human life with my knowledge. Being a government-sponsored student, I would be working for the Malaysian government as the sponsorship's condition stated after completing my tertiary education. Then, I will start contributing to society and also accumulating solid work experience by working with different people. However, I do not foresee myself working in the government sector for life. After serving the government for six years, I plan to work in the private sector or open my own engineering firm. I target myself to become a top Professional Engineer in the area of robotics in ten years time.

The University of Minnesota will help bring me to my goals. I will graduate and go back to Malaysia not only as an engineer but also as a person with further dreams to be achieved. Then, I will fully devote myself to achieving them. I am prepared to excel at any endeavor and commit myself to Malaysia, the world, and also my dreams. With the passion driving me, I anticipate to be a leader, a thinker, and an outstanding individual.

(3982 characters with spaces)

Please help me with this essay. Does it answer the essay prompt correctly? Please also help me with my grammar, essay structure etc. Thanks!

hannahaltheakay 1 / 2  
Feb 22, 2009   #2
first sentence I would change -
how it is now - From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a kid, I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from Lego bricks.

how i think it should be - I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from red, yellow and green Lego bricks. From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Feb 23, 2009   #3
Hence, I wanted to become an engineer.

The theories about dynamics, differential equations, and others which I learned from these subjects, would definitely turn out useful when I needed to apply them in the real working field.

I also took humanities subjects like Introduction to Moral Education and Ethics. These subjects helped build my characteristics .

I set my goal to become a mechanical engineer, as I feel the need to contribute. I believe that knowledge shines the most when it is used for the sake of other people .

The University of Minnesota will help me to achieve my goals.

With my passion driving me, I anticipate becoming a leader, a thinker, and an outstanding individual.

This is a great essay, good luck in school.

:)
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 6, 2009   #4
Kevin is right. This is a great essay. Here a few more minor fixes:

"For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and therebyI had successfully increased the car's speed. "

"These subjects helped build my characteristics" This sentence is a tad vague. Revise to make it more focused.

"I set my goaldecided to become a mechanical engineer"


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