pleas help, i wrote this essay today for the UT Austin admission, the essay is optional but i wanted to do it, as to boost my chance. its a little bit shaky, but i don't know how to fix it more, please help !
the deadline is on December 1st
any comment or feedback will be very appreciated !
the topic is : There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
It's like I was barely born, so much happened in my life in a matter of a glance, like a tape without buttons. In six months I will be graduating, and I won't be the person I am today any longer, I will be a minor in a world full of experienced individuals. It all happened so fast, I lost my grasp on time. It all started a couple of years ago, when I was only 12 years old.
I was living in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia, where I was naturalized and raised there, between everything I knew and everything I wanted to know. I was enrolled in the eighth grade a private school, where I took English as a second language and Arabic as the first, while everything else went flawlessly until the break through happened. My youngest brother started losing his sight, and every doctor we went to see was as clueless as the one before, until we came to America in summer where my brother was diagnosed with a complex genetic disorder. In the beginning it was nothing we have imagined, it was an incident that set our whole world on pause, waiting for the reality to somehow show up, but unfortunately that was the reality. After we went back to Saudi Arabia and everything settled in, we chose to move to America when the new academic year was over to ensure my brother a better opportunity of life and education. And since we had the immigration visa permission a couple of years before that, everything was set. Consequently the whole change started.
After we made the decision of coming to America, my brothers, sister, and I switched schools. We moved from a private school to an international one, and that was what turned my education into the best thing I ever had. We took everything in English, and suddenly Arabic was our new second language in school. I had to grasp everything I could in the beginning, and I struggled in making the whole difference, in changing the way I think. Instead of thinking about the translation from English to Arabic, I set my mind frequency to understand the things the way they were, in English. Consequently, I loved it. We took all our basic science in one year, including: physics, chemistry, and biology. Other than that, we focused on algebra 2 and different English courses of grammar, composition, vocabulary and the Basic English 1 course. Science spoke a different language to me, something that made basic sense of life and taught me how different things work. Everybody I knew said that the transition is going to be difficult, but I didn't see it. Everything I saw in my new education was stunning and somehow I started to feel like I can comprehend life, just like the way I see it.
A whole year has elapsed, and finally, the anticipated summer came. We said goodbye to our new friends and dear family, and moved to the United States of America. We came and settled in our new house, I enrolled in the 10th grade in a public school, and so did my siblings enroll in public schools. The courses I took were all different. I took sophomore, junior and senior classes, and I admired the diversity of my new education. I had the ultimate chance to choose the electives in my schedule as well as the science. I had the option of either anatomy or astronomy, but consequently I was more pulled to Anatomy than Astronomy, thus making the ultimate decision that gave me a whole different form of science. In anatomy, I explored my inner self. I learned various things about the human body that never dreamed existed. Within time, I knew I wanted to learn why things happen, why different processes occur at different time, I admired science and everything related to it and I knew what I wanted to do in life. 2 months after the school started, my counselor called into her office and said that she has to deliver some news to me. I drew anxious, not knowing what to expect, yet suddenly I was amused by the unexpected. I was to be advanced from grade 10 to grade 11 due to the academic excellence and the over flowing credits. It's funny how at one moment you are something and the next you are a totally different thing. Out of nowhere, I became a 14 year old high school junior. However, it took me several days to get the whole change into my mind, and finally I understood that my life is on the edge of changing. Then, I was more motivated than ever to excel in everything I wanted and everything I worked on, I knew that the last harsh year I spent in the international school in Saudi Arabia has paid off, I knew that everything that I put my best in will pay off.
Days passed by, and my youngest brother, Ahmed, started learning and writing in Braille, I often helped when I had free time, he inspired me. In America, he was able to participate in a different activities designed for the disabled and visually impaired, while in Saudi Arabia unfortunately such people didn't have a special activities for them. I saw Ahmed's life through the halo of my own eyes, and I understood what other people of disability would have to go through in the middle east of depression and social loneliness. I wanted to make a difference in kids life over here because it shouldn't be like, that even if they are different and I made the decision of making a charity to organize various activities for the disable, where all of them would feel united and would participate in a wide variety of activities that is designed for their own cases and well being. Other than that, I want to make a bigger difference, a historical one, like that of Insulin when it was discovered by Frederick Banting, I want to create a cure that all the humanity will remember me with, I want to help people and make their lives a much better place, where I can contribute to the well being of the world by creating a medicine that would erase much of what people thought cureless and inevitable.
All through my diverse life, my hopes and dreams has kept my ambition and motivation up in my sky, like a shiny rainbow. Every time I go to sleep, my life plays within a fold of my mind, aspiring me to always seek the best of me, and never give up on the unknown. Through the changes that happened to me in my expeditious academic life, I promised myself to always try my best at doing things and never procrastinate. Meanwhile, as I live the life of a senior, I chose what I wanted to be in life I want to be a biomedical engineer. Biomedical engineering combines what I love the most: Mathematics, Science, and the ability to pursue what I admire of expanding my knowledge and always trying to invent something new. As ambitious I am, I don't know where life is going to take me through the next 20 or 30 years. Nevertheless, I know that I will always cling to what I love, belief and what I know I can make true.
