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"minority students and their reputation" - Stanford intellectual vitality


karen93 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Hi! I'm realize i keep repeating "minority students", minorities, and judged. if you have suggestions for substituting some of those with another word please say so. any other suggestions are greatly appreciated :) gracias!

Stanford students are known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I am a rare minority student. I have noticed, especially at my school, that most minority students tend to not speak, participate, and to apply to prominent universities. This time it's not a matter of racism or prejudice, but a matter of acceptance among their peers.

It has come to my attention that minorities are ...

after edits:

It seems that minorities are usually the students who act up in class. Perhaps it is because they feel singled out in a classroom with so few other minorities. Perhaps it's fear. This time, their fear is not a matter of racism or prejudice, but a matter of acceptance among their peers.

Minority students have attained the reputation of being badly behaved, not performing well in school, talking back to their teachers, and rarely participating. Since this reputation is widely known, students who do otherwise are lovingly baptized "wanna-be whites" by their peers. Unless these students wish to be judged, many feel the need to uphold their "honorable" reputation.

The fear of being judged impedes many of these students from participating in extracurricular activities or challenging themselves in school. It keeps them from applying to prominent universities-even if they have the proper qualifications. According to their reputation, white people are the only people who are smart and wealthy enough to get accepted. They may not even attempt to research universities properly and fail to see that financial help is available.

Unfortunately, the reputation minority students have accumulated and the fear of breaking it has caused many to fail. The ones brave enough to "act white", however, succeed. It is this exemplary youth that help the other students overcome their fear of being judged by encouraging them or simply getting them involved. This reputation has begun to diminish, and with enough encouragement and help from parents, school administrators, and even other students, the bad reputation of minorities can be completely broken and a new, more positive one begun.

ali_cheif 6 / 13  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
I like the idea that you're trying to convey, but unfortunately you don't succeed in doing so.
I think you're over exaggerating the discrimination against minority student.
To improve your essay, I think you should focus more on the positives of fighting against discrimination rather than talking about its existence.

Sorry if its harsh but thats what I think.

Hope it helps.
OP karen93 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
harshness helps :) thanks
OP karen93 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2010   #4
I CHANGED QUITE A FEW THINGS. THIS IS MY SECOND DRAFT.
bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
Thanks for commenting on my essay!

It's is great at it is but i think that if you have a personal encounter or tell of something that you saw may create a greater impact to the reader.


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