Did I effectively answer the question? If not, how can I improve my essay?
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
Picture this: I am on a gigantic international airliner heading over the crystal clear Caribbean waters. I am excited about my destination, but don't quite know what is in store. A few hours later I awake to the turbulence of the airplane, the voice of the captain, and the spilled drink of my neighbor. When I step onto the grayish tarmac, I am surprised with a barricade of hot, steamy, sticky air, full of the thick smell of car fumes and pollution. I have just arrived in Managua, Nicaragua, and there are no words to describe the surprises and tribulations that I will encounter during the next eight days.
The first time I travelled to Nicaragua was an experience that changed my life. It is a whole different world from Atlanta. There are animals in the middle of the dirt roads that serve as highways, and there are families whose living circumstances would be unimaginable in America. Although I quickly adjusted to the sweltering heat and the rice-and-beans diet, there was much to be accomplished on my church mission trip.
Every project on the trip seemed unmanageable, and I knew that determination would be indispensable. For example, there was a two story house made of scraps of wood, a metal roof that was falling off, no ladder, and a hundred-and-ten degree heat index. "You want me to do what?" Well, as it turns out, I did manage to somehow scale the house and nail on a new roof and live to tell the story.
Making the most of the experience, I accepted an invitation to sit with the family members who were grateful of their new roof. After chatting for a while, in Spanish of course, I discovered that the local school was over two miles away, and that the children had to walk to attend it. This harsh reality led me to think of the children in the United States, who complain about going to school all the time. They complain about getting up. They complain about homework. They complain if the cafeteria is out of chocolate milk. They complain about everything, while the Nicaraguan children walk miles every day to receive a basic education, something I had always taken for granted.
My trips to Nicaragua have made me reevaluate my priorities and discover what kind of person I am. I now realize how ambitious I am when it comes to achieving my goals. I now realize not to take anything for granted, not even fresh water. I now realize that it would be selfish not to take advantage of the opportunities available to me, making my goals and dreams distinct possibilities. I know that California is not a tropical rainforest, and I most likely will not be scaling a university building to put a new roof on it, but it will be a different world for me, just like Nicaragua was. I am ambitious to take on a new challenge and partake in an experience that will change my life.
Sorry, your focus is an experience that led to a concern and how it impacted you, not how it defines you.
Instead of talking about poverty/lack of resource, you should focus on what you did and why that was significant.
I bet you just changed a bit the common app essay to fit here? Although nicely written, it needs some major revision to really answer the prompt.
well it actually seems doable, like i agree that it should be changed to that it focuses on how that's you rather than just an experience, but i think it works for a uc prompt. you just need to add maybe a bit about your church mission [like church is an important part of you] and like also a bit like a change of heart where it's like i grew up in a sheltered life of toyotas, microsoft, and kfc, when these people live with mules, beans and rice.
