We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
I add in white powder, tiny white crystals, brown liquid, chunks of something soft and yellow, and a round yellow substance surrounded by clear albumin. These are disgusting when eaten individually, but when combined produce delicious sugar cookies. I can also add brown sugar instead of white sugar and change the proportion of the other ingredients and make blondies instead. The possibilities are endless. I love baking not only because I get a tasty treat as a reward, but also because I can feel free to experiment with the recipe and see what novel treat I have created.
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
I have always been interested in biology, but after touring several labs, including Novozymes and UCSF during COSMOS, I found it amazing how much technology could affect our lives. Simply understanding biology is already fascinating, as individual molecules somehow interact to produce things we see, such as butterflies, cats, dolphins, humans, etc. Instead of just observing how things work, I would like to be able to use my knowledge to modify it a little so that I can potentially save lives. This is why I am interested in the Department of Biological Engineering.
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)
I am proud of being able to offer another perspective in every situation. Whenever my friends come to me to vent about anything (teachers seem to be common), I try to imagine life in another person's shoes, rationalize their behavior. I even offer an alternative way of viewing things if I wholeheartedly believe what my friend is saying. This may seem pointless, but I just want to make sure that all possibilities are at least considered. This is all because of a story my mom told me when I was young.
There was a girl on the bus. She was sitting in the handicapped section, and when several elderly people got on the bus and stood around her, she made no motion to get up. People glared at her and started insulting her behind her back for being disrespectful until the bus stopped and the girl needed assistance getting off the bus because she was disabled. The bus riders did not even consider the possibility that the girl could have legitimate reasons for sitting in the handicapped spot on the bus, and automatically blamed her because they all thought she was just being lazy and disrespectful.
By offering a different perspective of a situation, I want to make sure that the girl's situation does not happen. Even if I agree with my friends I need to voice out all of the possible, albeit unlikely, scenarios so that they are at least considered and any decisions made are sound and just.
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
I add in white powder, tiny white crystals, brown liquid, chunks of something soft and yellow, and a round yellow substance surrounded by clear albumin. These are disgusting when eaten individually, but when combined produce delicious sugar cookies. I can also add brown sugar instead of white sugar and change the proportion of the other ingredients and make blondies instead. The possibilities are endless. I love baking not only because I get a tasty treat as a reward, but also because I can feel free to experiment with the recipe and see what novel treat I have created.
This doesn't really sound interesting (the one highlighted in blue). Although you answer the question, the AO are going to read LOTS of answers. Maybe if you made it more catchy and expand more upon why you love baking, i think it would greatly improve your answer. I know 100 words is hard but I've seen people do it. You have too much description
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
I have always been interested in biology, but after touring several labs, including Novozymes and UCSF during COSMOS, I found it amazing how much technology could affect our lives. Simply understanding biology is already fascinating, as individual molecules somehow interact to produce things we see, such as butterflies, cats, dolphins, humans, etc. Instead of just observing how things work, I would like to be able to use my knowledge to modify it a little so that I can potentially save lives. This is why I am interested in the Department of Biological Engineering.
It's a good answer but when I'm reading this, i ask myself why does this person need MIT? You mention nothing about MIT and how the program appeals to you. Although you do put why Biomedical Engineering appeals to you, you need mention about MIT and it's programs. Maybe mention about one or two research projects or programs. You can cut down on the butterflies, cats, dolphins...
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)
I am proud of being able to offer another perspective in every situation. Whenever my friends come to me to vent about anything (teachers seem to be common), I try to imagine life in another person's shoes, rationalize their behavior. I even offer an alternative way of viewing things if I wholeheartedly believe what my friend is saying. This may seem pointless, but I just want to make sure that all possibilities are at least considered. This is all because of a story my mom told me when I was young.
There was a girl on the bus . She was sitting in the handicapped section, and when several elderly people got on the bus and stood around her, she made no motion to get up. People glared at her and started insulting her behind her back for being disrespectful until the bus stopped and the girl needed assistance getting off the bus because she was disabled. The bus riders did not even consider the possibility that the girl could have legitimate reasons for sitting in the handicapped spot on the bus, and automatically blamed her because they all thought she was just being lazy and disrespectful.
By offering a different perspective of a situation, I want to make sure that the girl's situation does not happen. Even if I agree with my friends I need to voice out all of the possible, albeit unlikely, scenarios so that they are at least considered and any decisions made are sound and just.
The green highlighted part - i think you should make your topic sentence A LOT stronger because it's the most crucial part of your paragraph! You partially answer the question. You offer one of your attributes but you never mention how it has impacted your life.
Sorry for being harsh on the comments but I'm trying to help =)
Good Luck!
I agree with Ace on the first one, add some more pizzazz.
Suggestion: BAM! I cackled hysterically while adding the white powder and crystals, brown liquid and chunks of yellow substances into my concoction. The ingredients in my potion were rather disgusting individually, but when combined created a sumptuous cacophony of electrifying sugar cookies, that will blow your taste-buds to shreds. The possibilities are endless which gives me a perverse pleasure! I love baking because of the absolute freedom I have to experiment, its an exhilarating rush...
Mhmmm I tried a thing above. But yeah something like that.
I agree with Ace again, you need to mention why programs/department at MIT interests YOU. Do some research and dig deeper.
Hope this helps!
