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MIT Cultural Background Essay || INDIA || SIKH


jagdeep5171 3 / 7  
Dec 11, 2014   #1
I am going to apply for regular action this year and i am not sure what to write about in this particular column.

This is what I have decided to submit so far
NEED SUGGESTIONS IF I AM MISSING SOMETHING.

Hello! Namaste! SatShriAkal! AsalamWalekum!!!
As an Indian I am proud of its Rich and Diversified Culture. Ours culture is an amalgamation of several cultures, people and religions. My grandparents moved to India during Indo-Pak division in 1947 and has worked very hard to earn their livings. I belong to a middle class Sikh family in Rajasthan State and like most of the males in my family I am also a "Turbanator". We enjoy celebrating "Diwali- festival of Lights", "Holi- festival of Colors", "Baisakhi, Lohri, and Guruparb - Sikh festivals", " Eid-ul-Fitar", "Christmas "," Indian Independence Day and Republic Day".


I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE HEAVY WORDS AND I DON'T HAVE A GOOD LITERARY WORD POWER SO I HAVE JUST KEPT IT SIMPLE.

Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Dec 11, 2014   #2
Hello! Namaste! SatShriAkal!
AsalamWalekum!!!


As an Indian, I am always proud of its Rich and Diversified Culture. Ours Our culture is an amalgamation of several cultures, people and religions. My grandparents moved to India during Indo-Pak division in 1947 and has worked very hard to earn their livings. I belong to a middle class Sikh family in Rajasthan State and like most of the males in my family, I am also a Turbanator. We enjoy celebrating Diwali- festival of Lights, Holi- festival of Colors, Baisakhi, Lohri, and Guruparb - Sikh festivals, Eid-ul-Fitar, Christmas , Indian Independence Day and Republic Day.

100 words maximum?
Your prompt?

Good luck :)
OP jagdeep5171 3 / 7  
Dec 11, 2014   #3
Modewap: I think its 99 words including that greeting part. Any other suggestions??
Does that greeting part looks awkward??
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 11, 2014   #4
Jagdeep. the reason you were given an incomplete review was because you did not provide us with the proper guidelines for reviewing your paper. Kindly supply us with the instructions for the creation of the statement, the word count, and what you want us to help you in particular with in regards to your statement. We can actually help you develop a better wording for your statement within the word count once we know what is expected in your statement and the possible responses that you can offer based upon what you wrote above.
Panda29 1 / 2  
Dec 14, 2014   #5
As an Indian, I am always proud of its Rich and Diversified Culture.Ours Our culture is an amalgamation of several cultures, people and religions. My grandparents moved to India duringtheIndo-Pak division in 1947 andhaveworked very hard to earn their livings. I belong to a middle class Sikh family in Rajasthan state and like most of the males in my family, I am also a Turbanator. We enjoy celebrating Diwali- festival of Lights, Holi- festival of Colors, Baisakhi, Lohri, and Guruparb - Sikh festivals, Eid-ul-Fitar, Christmas , Indian Independence Day and Republic Day.

Do not write "I am also a Turbanator." Use "I also wear a turban." You don't have to change it, but it took me a while to guess what you meant by Turbanator.

I think you have around 96 words.


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