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MIT: greatest challenge. my mother leaving; not her husband


nikamonster 9 / 38  
Dec 20, 2010   #1
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (200-250 words)

I struggled to hold back a train of frustrated tears and a shaking voice as I yelled into the phone, "the man downstairs in need of his wife is not my husband, and the 6-year-old yearning for a mother figure in her life is not my daughter!"

When my mother made the 1400 mile trip move from Michigan to Texas, every motherly task that I had taken for granted not only disappeared but also became a part of my responsibility. Having never previously worried myself with such menial ...

after revision:

Having put her career on hold for nearly three years after receiving her Ph. D degree, my mom had finally decided to reenter the work force by taking a job in a small Texas city 1400 miles away. The initial news brought about only excitement and support from the rest of the family. However, we soon experienced the harsh discrepancy between the expected change and the actual shock of losing the caretaker, peacemaker, and glue of our family. Every motherly task that I had taken for granted not only disappeared but also became a part of my responsibility. But, having never previously worried myself with such menial house chores, this came as an unpleasant shock.

Of the tangled slew of emotions I felt, bitterness progressively grew to be the most dominating. I complained about every additional chore, from raking leaves, to doing laundry, to cooking dinner. In my 18 years of existence, I don't believe I have ever consciously desired to be more selfish. I have never so purposefully sought out resentment and deliberately gravitated toward negativity. I defiantly carried out my desires to live my life and not someone else's as a second-rate backup actor.

I wish I could say that one day I reached a life changing epiphany through a random act of patience and strength demonstrated by my dad, but that is far too idealistic to be the case. No doubt, his constant example of perseverance and optimism contributed to my outlook on the situation. However, my ultimate lessons of gratitude and perception were learned on my own as I daily packed my own lunch, picked up my sister from school, and washed the dishes. This new lifestyle forced me to increase in maturity and adaptability, and given no other option, I rose to the challenge. With every responsibility, I gained a bit more independence and self-assurance. I came to learn the work of a homemade dinner, the cost of an impeccably clean house, and, most importantly, the power of love and perspective. As I chose to accept and make the best of the radical changes in my hardest year of high school, I began to see the entire ordeal as a gift of responsibility, a blessing in disguise.
thebigone 3 / 11  
Dec 20, 2010   #2
I think it is a very good essay... it made me think of the song "I will survive"
I also think that you can show how this situation had made you experience independency and be more responsible of your life outside home duties as well.

Good luck.
adam2028 10 / 36  
Dec 27, 2010   #3
This essay was phenomenal and i spotted no grammatical errors. Job well done. The only thing is that there are a few sentences where you have to be careful to make it not sound like you're whining. Please Edit back
gigi5 3 / 12  
Dec 27, 2010   #4
Maybe it's only me, but I didn't really understand who you are talking to on the phone. Your mother? Maybe you can make this more clear.

I liked it.
Sorry, I won't be able to give you any useful feedback. ;)
Vagivan 2 / 10  
Dec 27, 2010   #5
"I complained about every additional chore, from raking leaves, to doing laundry, to cooking dinner."
rather than complained how about resented
please have a look at mine too thanks =)
adam2028 10 / 36  
Dec 27, 2010   #6
But, having never previously worried myself with such menial house chores, this came as an unpleasant shock.

I get what your TRYING to say, but it could be taken as making a big deal over nothing...it almost sounds...spoiled. The rest of the essay explains your point but, to me, it paints you as unwilling to work.


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