I'm not sure about this essay draft I just wrote and if it is effective. Could someone give me some pointers, comments, or suggestions?
MIT PROMPT: Tell us about something that you have created. This can be, for example, a design, a device, an object, an idea or concept. (Please limit your answer to 500 words or fewer.)
Some people know me only because of what I drive: a twenty seven speed Shwinn bicycle. Might not be the coolest means of transportation as a teenager, but it was my only option. My father worked over seventy hours a week and with no money to buy a car or right to a drivers license with my immigration status; I had to get around somehow. I was proud of it though, it was my baby. Ten, twenty, or even thirty miles daily wasn't uncommon between going to and from school, my girlfriend's house, and the local store to pick up necessities.The problem began when my legs weren't prepared for the long bike rides home after coach's famous vigorous workouts. I enjoyed the challenge, but in the following days I saw a decrease in my running performance and I was closely approaching the athlete's nightmare: overtraining. Mowing the lawn that Saturday a solution to my problem dawned on me. I acquired an old but functioning lawn mower from my neighbor and dragged it to my garage as my father stood in the drive way with a smirk on his face. He knew too well that look in my eye. "Que fabrique-vous maintenant?" he said meaning "What are you building now?" "Rien, rien" (nothing much) I always responded.
The idea was pretty straightforward: instead of my hamstrings, gluts, and quadriceps providing the propelling power to my bicycle I'd simply let the old pile of nuts and bolts do it for me. Since like most lawn mower engines this one's shaft operated vertically making it impossible to run it horizontally without risking damage to the interior, as the oil may not lubricate the piston. Obtaining a horizontal shaft wasn't an option for me so instead of the traditional engine mounting found on a motorcycle, I decided to mount the 4.5hp engine to a 12" by 16'' metal plate that would rest directly above the back wheel. This was done using a couple pieces of metal pipes attached to the rear axle and bolting to the back of the frame with two angle arm brackets. In this position, the rotating shaft would enable the bike wheel to spin using two rollers (wheels) on either side of the wheel tire which I gathered from a skateboard. One would act as a driver roller which was bolted to the end of the engine shaft. It kept contact with the right side of the wheel and as the shaft spun so did the wheel. The other, an idler roller, was mounted on the left side of the wheel to spin freely and provide just enough contact to discourage the wheel to wobble back and forth or loose contact with the driver roller. Finally, a few more additions were added such as a kill switch and a throttle switch made from old bike brake parts.
This experiment proved to be one of the most fun to build and rewarding all together. The new motorized bike was able to reach max speeds of 27mph and ran like a charm. Unfortunately, the motorized addition to my bicycle had to be removed less than two weeks after its installation. Stopped by a police officer, I learned it is apparently illegal in Florida to ride a motorized vehicle capable of speeds greater than 20mph or containing an engine with more than 50cc without licenses for both the custom bike and myself.
Total Words: 569
Oh, and because of the suggested 500 word limit, will I be penalized for going over?
You could eliminate most of the following: "I was proud of it though, it was my baby. Ten, twenty, or even thirty miles daily wasn't uncommon between going to and from school, my girlfriend's house, and the local store to pick up necessities.The problem began when my legs weren't prepared for the long bike rides home after coach's famous vigorous workouts. I enjoyed the challenge, but in the following days I saw a decrease in my running performance and I was closely approaching the athlete's nightmare: overtraining." Just replace it with something along the lines of "The amount of cycling I did, combined with my other athletic abilities, soon put me in danger of overtraining." That would solve the word count problem, and focus the essay more on the building of the motorized bike, which is after all what the essay is supposed to be about.
On a completely unrelated note, "Since like most lawn mower engines this one's shaft operated vertically making it impossible to run it horizontally without risking damage to the interior, as the oil may not lubricate the piston." isn't a complete sentence.
