Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (200-250 words)
My friends and I share many common ideas and interests, but sometimes we disagree in certain situations. For example, a conflict arose among my friends and I while we were building a robot for the FIRST Robotics Competition. We wanted to give our robot the ability of lifting game balls off the ground and shooting them into the baskets on the other robots; however, my friends and I differed in our approach. My friends wanted to construct an elevator that would lift the balls directly up to the top while I wanted to implement an Archimedes screw design that would lift the balls up a bit more slowly, but would be more reliable in the competition. After some heated debate, our situation still stood at a stalemate, neither side willing to give in. In an attempt to prove that my design was better, I spent a few entire nights building small, working models of an elevator and an Archimedes screw with some of the excess materials from the previous year. Before we resumed construction the next day, I presented both models to my friends and allowed them to conduct a number of trials with each one. Their tests confirmed my previous argument that in general, the Archimedes screw performs more reliably than the elevator. After they witnessed the results themselves, my friends grasped my line of reasoning and decided to adopt my design.
Be cruel, harsh, and whatever else you must. If anyone else wants me to read his or her essay(s), I would be happy to.
You have good content, however, I advise starting the response with an interesting sentence. Try starting in the middle of your argument with your friend.
Please read mine! (click on my profile link)
Hmmm, yes, I think what luminous might have meant was:
My friends and I share many common ideas and interests, but sometimes we disagree in certain situations. For example, a A conflict arose among my friends and I while we were building a robot for...
Because that whole first sentence is uninteresting. Don't waste words with, "We get a long but sometimes we argue." It is just not interesting.
Create an experience for the reader by starting every para in an intriguing way. And no wasting words:
After some heated debate, our situation still stood at a stalemate.
neither side willing to give in. (that is what a stalemate is, so it is redundant to explain it.)
Their tests confirmed my previous argument that in general, the Archimedes screw performs more reliably than the elevator.----- if, in a sentence that precedes this sentence, you can make it so that I will understand what this sentence means, it will be a powerful essay.