MIT Essay - Use of Creativity (Fashion)

Hi everyone :) Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback!

Below is my response to the prompt: Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (200-250 word limit)

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Fashion for A Cause was a new club when I joined. It's purpose is to raise community awareness for fashion and the arts as well as to support a nonprofit cause by hosting a fashion show. I worked with the founders and had initiatives, such as streamlining the organization of outfits and suggesting that we contact the corporate offices of department stores to obtain donations. I became Business Director/President and immediately started planning the annual charity fashion show. I involved other officers by conducting brainstorm sessions and setting up a work plan. The whole club voted on a theme and set for the show, as well as the charity for which we would raise money. I came up with the 2009 show's theme (international) and worked with others to coordinate colors and a set design that would illuminate the models best, but also not blind showgoers. I helped put together outfits and create a show line-up. I also compiled songs for and helped edit the DVD of the show. A major part of the time leading up to the show was devoted to fund-raising and establishing partnerships with local and national businesses, for donations. I ran the logistics of business trips and phone-banking sessions, and guided members in face-to-face and phone communications. I periodically conducted in-school fund-raising events as means of fund accumulation and as reminders of the worthy cause. My fundraising activity ideas included hand-made jewelry sale and face painting, in addition to bake sales and fruit juice mixes. (Word Count: 250)

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A particular concern of mine is whether the purpose of the club is clear to those who aren't familiar with it.

No, you need to briefly describe the organization and its aims for those who are unfamiliar with it.


"Initiatives and new ideas" is simultaneously redundant and vague. You need to be more specific.

How can you do that within your word limit? By editing out superfluous words, phrases, and sentences to make room for more vital material. For example:

I applied for and received the position ofbecame Business Director/President and immediately started planning the annual charity fashion show, the club's most significant event .

Even though there was a Creative Director in charge of the more artistic logistics of the show, I helped put together outfits and create a show line-up. I also compiled a list of songs for the show music and helped edit the DVD recording of the show.

Thanks for your help!

Another concern of mine is: am I telling too much, instead of showing?