This is my first post, so if there's anything I did wrong please forgive me...
This is my short Essay for the common application. Please give me some suggestions. Thanks a lot~!
In April 2009, I participated in the "XX Model UN Conference" as the chief editor of the official conference publication "XX" and the assistant director of the Press Delegation. In the day, I lead a press team to roam around different committees to jot down events, conduct interviews and take photographs. At night, while the press delegation wrote articles, I edited the newspaper for the next day.
It was a monotonous and soporific task to sit in front of the computer to edit the articles, yet a surge of responsibility kept me awake. After long hours of work, I was relieved to see the paper fresh out of the printer. When I see delegates reading the paper at the breakfast table, quoting the interview with each other before committee sessions, and scanning the paper only to exclaim at the photograph of their committee, I felt a sense of accomplishment, which transformed my fatigue to a momentum to edit a better newspaper.
i like this, it sounds good and seems to be something special!
Thanks~!
Because I am not a native speaker, I wonder if there are any expressions that are a bit awkward?
Sorry, I am not a native speaker too but as far as I can say it is alright.
Thanks all the same~
In the day, I led a press team to roam around different committees to jot down events, conduct interviews and take photographs.
=> turn this to past tense, you WERE in the MUN right? =P
the paper freshed out of the printer. When I saw delegates reading the paper at the breakfast table, quoting the interview with each other before committee sessions, and scanning the paper only to exclaim at the photograph of their committee, I felt a sense of accomplishment, which transformed my fatigue to a momentum to edit a better newspaper.
Pretty much ok I guess. =]
Thanks
Yeah, you are right about the tenses, I'm never good at them...
But I don't think there's something like "freshed out of the printer"?
How about change it like this:
I was relieved to see the newspaper came out of the printer.
Yeah, I didnt even pay attention to that, cuz I kindda got wat u meant. I had the chance to go to MUN, but I missed it, shame ^^
It would be ncie to put such activity in ur application I guess =]
In April 2009, I participated in the 2009 "XX Model UN Conference" as the chief editor of...
My little contribution... :-)
Also, I think a sentence at the end would be nice... a sentence in which you reflect on the significance of it now that you are going to college.
What is thee question that you are answer. try to add more in about how this experience affected you. Besides that it is a great essay. Good Job and GOOD LUCK WITH COLLEGES!!!
Please review my essay.. THANK YOU!!
