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"the Model United Nations club" - Lafayette-an intellectual or creative interest

maineballin 2 / 6  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Ever since my sophomore year I have avidly taken part in the Model United Nations club at my school which has one regional convention in May for schools from the area. At these conventions each delegate chooses to join a committee and represent a country. In these committee meetings, which range in size from the Security Council of five students to the General Assembly of almost two hundred students, delegates discuss two topics that were recently raised at a United Nations summit meeting and have a global impact.

During our committee sessions we need to be very well equipped to face the other delegates. Because each meeting is an open session, everyone is expected to express their opinions and question others. To be prepared for this we not only need to be quick on our feet, but we have to study and know global policies. For example, my junior year I was a delegate from China. I not only had to know the policies of China but I needed to have a firm understanding of policies of other large nations, such as the U.S., and how to counter them. In this case because the U.S. and China are very strong trade partners, my bargaining chip was to raise prices on important Chinese exports, such as cars. After several hours of debate on a topic and consideration of the steps needed to be taken to resolve an issue, several of the delegates that have similar ideas on solving an issue would meet and draft a resolution. Using the several draft resolutions that would invariably turn up in a room of two hundred dissenting opinions, the committee had to combine, simplify and bargain their way to creating a resolution that appeased at least two thirds of the commission.

To make this long and tedious process more fun and a real learning experience that each delegate will remember, several members take their character further. Costumes, altering speech, make up, and fake mustaches are all a part of being in character and making it a more pleasurable experience. For example, being a representative from China, I put on a pair of glasses like President Hu Jintao's and a fake Chinese accent, which I thought was pretty convincing. The time in between sessions is filled with time to get know your fellow delegates from other schools at either lunch or dinner or at the several activities held there, from basketball games to the dance to late night dorm meetings. Reflecting back on the three days I spent at Model U.N. I can proudly state that I am a worldlier person with a better knowledge of the several problems that face my generation and steps that I can take starting now to contribute to amend them.

the text box on the commonapp gives me 2000 characters but if i upload a document this is accepted even thought it is approximately 2500. is that ok or will it look bad? theres a few awkward sentences and stuff. but please help correct it? constuctive criticism appreciated too

thanks in advance

fc barca 4 / 20  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
Great choice of topic - you do a good job going over what your experience was, your responsibilities, and you convey that you had a lot of fun doing something that honestly most other teenagers wouldn't really like. I have some suggestions:

Firstly, in the second sentence you describe what Model UN but admissions officers will know what it is.

Secondly, I was kind of confused in the second sentence when you talked about small meetings and big meetings. It was like - hey wait a second, doesnt this person do Model UN at school? Why are there so many people, and from all over Maine. You should specify that you participated in meetings in school, as well as regional conferences or whatever with students from other schools

- everyone is expected to express their opinions
- we not only need to be quick on our feet, but we have to...
- Get rid of the part "to properly do my job"
- after several hours OF (not on) debate
- and consideration of the steps to resolving an issue...
- you switch verb tenses in your second last paragraph - you go from had in previous paragraphs to has
- take THEIR character further
- change your last sentence to how Model UN has improved you as a person, instead of talking about seeing friends at the mall... I think they like that

Hope this helps and good luck!
OP maineballin 2 / 6  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
Thanks fc barca, heres the corrected version

FIX FIX FIX please!

also can someone good with punctuation look at it. im kinda bad with it

thanks again

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