Choose an issue of importance to youïthe issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scopeïand write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Getting admission to Modern School, New Delhi in the eighth grade seemed like a huge achievement that time as I hailed from a small sub urban junior high school. It was all very new to me. As the school was very far from where I stayed me and my parents made a decision to enroll me in the Boarding house. As I said I was already overcoming the huge transition from a school of miniscule size as compared to Modern, so moving away from home was not such a great idea. I wouldn't say I behaved delicate because it was the first time I was living without my family.
Each day as I returned from the school tired to the not so hospitable dormitories, I missed all the care that I was used to back home. And we all know the usual stuff where juniors are considered dirt by their seniors. Even worse was that you can retort back to them because firstly, you are miles from home and you cannot do what you just wish to and secondly, these people are supposed to be your new family. I wasn't accustomed to all this and I felt myself isolated in the boarding house. Till the seventh grade I was receiving top grades in all subjects but as soon as I joined the new school my academic records started dipping. I felt lonely even when roaming in school corridors filled with students. It seemed as if happiness had been sapped out of my soul. I didn't really share these emotions with anybody because I felt that it was just temporary I would one day be mix-up with the rest.
This was the time when I used to talk to myself just to fill up my mind and kill boredom. One day I told myself that when I return back to my room after school I must have at least five friends. Well, I didn't actually return with five friends but yes I did chat in the class. Gradually, the situation improved I found new fangled energy and vitality in people around me. I no longer allowed other people's behavior affect my mood. Slowly and steadily, my state improved and I started to take more notice in other things. I realized my interest in lawn tennis and took up the sport as my choice as an after school activity.
I realized that one cannot let time solve your problems. Problems are only resolved when you go out there and fight them yourselves. But one thing is sure, after this incident I have become more mature. I now believe that one should always come out of comfort zones and strive for things that are difficult to achieve. Sitting pretty and reminiscing glories of past only makes you complacent and ignore real problems. Only then one gets to know what real life is all about.
The next time I will definitely be in a better position to deal with such a situation. This incident has definitely shaped me who I am today.
Overall, the essay seems fairly general. Its a common answer to this topic (adjusting to a new school), and is written without any specific anecdotes. As a result, it is unlikely to stand out from the crowd. I would suggest revising to either be more specific or to focus on a different experience.
In any event, a few grammatical fixes:
"Getting admitted to Modern School, New Delhi, in the eighth grade seemed like a huge achievement at that time, as I hailed from a small suburban junior high school."
"As I said" omit this and similar phrases.
"Even worse was that you can retort back to them " I think you mean to say "cannot" here.
Up until the seventh grade I was receiving top grades in all subjects but as soon as I joined the new school my grades started dipping.
I didn't share these emotions with anybody because I felt that it was just temporary, that I would one day fit in? with the rest.
Slowly and steadily, my state of mind improved and I started to take more notice of other things.
Sitting pretty and reminiscing on past glories only makes you complacent and ignore real problems.
This incident has definitely shaped who I am today.
Here are a few more little tweaks, hope it helps.
:)
I guess you could take Kevin's advise and do the mandatory amendments. Other than that, your essay seems right on track and ready for submission!
