Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
For as long as I could remember, I have always been a little different from the rest of my friends. Unlike the other girls of my age who gushed over the new Barbie and Bratz dolls, I obsessed over new books. My family was well aware of my adoration for the written word and they made sure to make weekly trips to the local library. On one routine trip to the library, I was casually browsing through the shelves that I had already frequented so many times in the past before. All of a sudden, an interesting-looking book caught my eye. Between the glimmering cover and intriguing title, my eight year old self could not resist picking up this novel. "Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism?" my mother grumbled as I handed her the book "Are you sure this is the book you want?" I only nodded enthusiastically. For the next several days, I pored over the details of Molly Moon's journey with her lethargic but loyal pug. From her daring getaway from the orphanage to her escapade in New York City, Molly Moon forced me to obediently hang on to every word. After finishing the entire novel in two days, I read it again - and again. To my parents' annoyance, I even attempted multiple times to practice Molly's hypnotic techniques on my younger siblings.
My interest in hypnotism, however, did not falter or fade. Instead, it evolved into a mature passion and love for Psychology. Among many other things, I began to keep dream journals, map my circadian cycles, and plot personality profiles. Upon entering my junior year, I leapt at the chance to take the Psychology course that was offered at my school. After attaining the highest mark in the course, I continued to further my interest by taking the Advanced Placement exam later on that year. In my senior year, I took it one step further and applied to the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia as a concurrent student. Upon acceptance, I began to attend lectures twice a week and partake in the university's psychology experiments.
"Why do we dream?" and "Is it possible to discern a sociopath from other people through a normal conversation?" are two of the many questions I had asked myself while I was growing up. Now, I am finally developing a foundation that has given me the ability to answer these questions. I can only hope to further develop the knowledge base that I have already attained and cultivate my skills at the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University. With the research-orientated atmosphere and the impeccable combination of sociology, psychology, and philosophy courses at Cornell, I feel like an education in the this College will not only be enriching, but will also be a crucial stepping stone in my educational pursuit.
Please help! Any feedback is appreciated :)
Hi pingupinga,
My family was well aware of my adoration for the written word and they made sure to make weekly trips to the local library.
Acknowledging my passion for reading, my family made sure that I would pay frequent visits to the local library.On one routine trip to the library, I was casually browsing through the shelves that I had already frequented so many times in the past before
You sound a bit too detailed in your descriptions. I feel that is not really necessary and it is better if you give more focus to the most important points.
"In my senior year, I took it one step further and applied to the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia as a concurrent student. Upon acceptance, I began to attend lectures twice a week and partake in the university's psychology experiments."
If you could put this im your extra curriculum part of the application, please do so and remove this from your essay. This part sounds like "Look! I've done this and that for my interest, you should accept me."
Also, I think that you should try to explain how you will utilize the chances, facilities, or other things in Cornell in your last paragraph.
I liked the first paragraph a lot. But for the second one, maybe you could show us more. Don't just tell.
Brush it up and tweak it, then you essay will be very good.
All the best =D
Thank you!
I've also thought about doing that as well and I will add that into my essay now :)
Like weeyizhi said, your narrative in the first paragraph is very engaging, but seems vague on why you got "hooked" by this book. Here are some minor changes I would make though:
For as long as I could remember, I have always been a little different from the rest of my friends. Unlike the other girls of my age, who gushed over the new Barbie and Bratz dolls, I obsessed over new books. My family was well aware of my adoration for the written word and they made sure to make weekly trips to the local library. On one routine trip to the library[The phrase is redundant; I suggest rewriting this into a shorter, connective phrase] , I was casually browsing through the shelves that I had already frequented so many times["many times" is unnecessary; you've already mentioned "frequented"] in the past before. All of a sudden, an interesting-looking[change to "interesting"] book caught my eye. Between the[The phrasing seems awkward to me] glimmering cover and intriguing title, my eight year old self could not resist picking up this novel. "Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism?" my mother grumbled as I handed her the book[Make this into a sentence] "Are you sure this is the book you want?" I only nodded enthusiastically. For the next several days, I pored over the details of Molly Moon's journey [What's the journey about and what about it specifically makes you intrigued by it?] with her lethargic but loyal pug. From her daring getaway from the orphanage to her escapade in New York City, Molly Moon forced me to obediently hang on to every word. After finishing the entire novel in two days, I read it again - and again. To my parents' annoyance, I even attempted multiple times to practice Molly's hypnotic techniques on my younger siblings.
The final paragraph should convince the admissions officers why you picked Cornell and its psychology program. You do explain how Cornell will impact you interest and education in psychology and other topics, but the paragraph doesn't seem to stand out as much compared to your other paragraphs. Take a few minutes to explore what other incredible things you can do at Cornell through its website and show how your involvement through its programs will impact who you are as a Cornell student. Show them that you really love Cornell--no flattery--and that you belong there.
Good luck and thanks for your thoughts on my Cornell essay! I really hope you can make it.
Please read over my UPenn essays...I'm dying to have someone like you read them!
Thank you jaegoogle!
I've been trying to do that and it is a bit difficult but thank you very much for your advice
Pingupinga,
....'I obsessed over new books'- it should be ' obsessed WITH books'
I think you should also tell what you have learnt from the Molly Moon's book or any instance in it which you liked very much.
Hope this helps.
Would you please help me with mine?
