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My mom taught me how to meditate a few years ago; MIT App

collegemaster 2 / 5 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
Hi EF!
I have this essay for MIT, but to me it sounds kind of lame. Any ideas on how I can make it not so boring? I'm also welcoming any suggestions on intro/conclusion, so that my essay stands out a bit more.

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

I attend the <name of school not shown for privacy>, where students can frequently be found sleeping in the halls during lunch time or slightly hyperventilating over a test they have next period. Attending a pressure cooker high school has only heightened the need for some way to mitigate the anxiety of our daily lives, and I take pride that I am able to maintain a low stress level. My mom taught me how to meditate a few years ago, and this skill has greatly increased my ability to alleviate stress. Before starting the mountain of homework I have every night, I sit on the carpet, legs crossed, back straight, and follow my breath down into my lungs and back out of my mouth. At the starting line of a crew regatta, I close my eyes and take three deep breaths, and by spreading this practice to the rest of my boat, we have become much looser and comfortable in a situation of high stress. This, in fact, contributed to our 2nd place at the state championships last year. But even in general, I am thankful that I can push all thoughts out of my head and just relax, if only for a moment.
gmichski /  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
What is the essay prompt? It's a good essay though. Maybe say something about how it has affected your school life?
college134nj - / 44 7  
Dec 25, 2012   #3
but it does say about how it has affected his/her life... saying that it helped with rowing. and the prompt is given...i think it brings just the right amount of reflection.
OP collegemaster 2 / 5 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
So you guys think it's fine the way it is? I'm really glad to hear that.

Any other feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for helping a high school kid with a dream!!
kittykat22 2 / 5  
Dec 25, 2012   #5
I think it's a good one..and interesting because not many of us can successfully meditate..
Good luck!

Can you look over my thread and give a fair opinion, please?
komalshaheen19 6 / 11 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #7
interesting essay..well written..just talk a little bit more about how it makes you special =)
MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 26, 2012   #8
I agree; your essay is good ! and you're lucky; I wish I could handle my stress the way you do ..

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