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Momma's Boy- Common App Essay; 'We have the same mannerisms, facial expressions'


jonesyboi 1 / 1  
Oct 7, 2012   #1
I am not a good writer so bear with me. I need help on the content, grammar and structure of my essay.

Prompt: Describe a person who has been an important influence on your life and how that person's influence has helped to prepare you for your college experience

The people that get to know us best, from our virtues to our flaws, are our parents. They have the greatest influence in our lives because they are the people we interact with most. They sacrifice many commodities in order to give their children the best life possible. We learn the lessons of life from our parents' teachings and much of their beliefs become our own. The religions we choose, political parties we support and even our favorite colors are examples of decisions that could be swayed by our parents. When I think of who has had the greatest impact on my life, without hesitation I think of my mother. No one could ever be the mother, friend, role model, counselor and motivator that she continues to be. My mother has been the most supportive and influential person in all aspects of my life and it is because of her that I have become the unique individual I am.

I am a lot like my mom. We have the same mannerisms, facial expressions and thought processes.We both love to learn, travel, have fun, eat exotic food and spend time with family. From observing my mom's behavior and listening to her enlightening lectures, she has become the greatest contributor to my personality and moral character. In middle school, I breezed through school acquiring good grades without much effort. Seeing how bored and agitated I was becoming towards school, my mom challenged me to take more difficult classes. Although I was reluctant to do so; I did. Upon taking harder classes, I had to develop a stronger work ethic and build a relentless curiosity towards knowledge in order to continue making acceptable grades. With tremendous support and encouragement, she helped me realize the value of hard work and the advantages of having an education.

Her major benefaction to my character was sculpting me into a determined person. My mom's ability to improve her family's life inspires me to always try my best in order to get the most out of my life. I feel that if I do not take advantage of the opportunities she has provided for me, I am being indolent and a disappointment to her. I picked up this quality simply by observing how she responded to the situations that arose in her life. This determination that she has instilled in me will always assist me in any difficult situation I encounter in my life. I feel that determination is a trait necessary to succeed in college. I am determined to pull through all of life's struggles so that I too can have a great impact on the lives of others who may look up to me. I take pride in saying that my mother is truly the greatest impact in/on my life, whose strength continues to inspire me.
sstarfish117 1 / 5  
Oct 7, 2012   #2
The people that who get to know us best, from our virtues to our flaws, are our parents. They have the greatest influence in on our lives because they are the people we interact with most. They sacrifice many commodities in order to give their children the best life possible. We learn the lessons of life from our parents' teachings and much of their beliefs become our own. The religions we choose, political parties we support and even our favorite colors are examples of decisions that could be swayed by our parents. When I think of who has had the greatest impact on my life, without hesitation, I think of my mother. No one could ever be the mother, friend, role model, counselor and motivator that she continues to be. My mother has been the most supportive and influential person in all aspects of my life. and it is Because of her that I have become the unique individual I am.

I am a lot like my mom. We have the same mannerisms, facial expressions and thought processes.We both love to learn, travel, have fun, eat exotic food and spend time with family. From observing my mom's behavior and listening to her enlightening lectures, she has become the greatest contributor to my personality and moral character. In middle school, I breezed through school acquiring good grades without much effort. Seeing how bored and agitated I was becoming towards school, my mom challenged me to take more difficult classes. Although I was reluctant to do so,I did. Upon taking harder classes, I had to develop developed a stronger work ethic and build t a relentless curiosity towards knowledge in order to continue making acceptable grades. With tremendous support and encouragement, she helped me realize the value of hard work and the advantages of having an education.

Her major benefaction to my character was sculpting me into a determined person. My mom's ability to improve her family's life inspires me to always try my best in order to get the most out of my life. I feel that if I do not take advantage of the opportunities she has provided for me, I am being indolent and a disappointment to her. I picked up this quality simply by observing how she responded to the situations that arose in her life. This determination that she has instilled in me will always assist me in any difficult situation I encounter in my life. I feel that determination is a trait necessary to succeed in college. I am determined to pull through all of life's struggles so that I too can have a great impact on the lives of others who may look up to me. I take pride in saying that my mother is truly the greatest impact in/on my life, whose strength continues to inspire me.
kathytheson 5 / 12  
Oct 7, 2012   #3
You might want to make it more hooking and descriptive. Less telling and more showing
Xmsamurai 1 / 4  
Oct 7, 2012   #4
Be careful with this essay... It seems slightly generic. Imagine how many other people love their moms and how many moms influence their child's lives for the better.

Also, it makes you seem a bit boring because adcoms might think you have nothing unique to write.

Can you read mine please?


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