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the "money saver" girl - Drexel application


Vivie93 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
A brief essay helps us get to know you. Please review what type of applicant you are and submit a corresponding essay of 250 to 500 words.

[I know it is not very good...but I hope you guys can give me some advice, grammar mistakes or anything else, please] Thanks!!

I like to save money that was given to me in my piggy-bank since I have memory and people used to call me the "money saver" girl. I was pretty good managing my own pocket money, getting the best deals at the lowest price; and now that I live away from my family, I manage all the expenses in the house. I really like dealing with money, not that I go crazy for money, but I just think that it should be used in a reasonable way since we have limited sources.

I have always heard that United States is known for its great educational programs in finance, and I would love to be educated in an environment where is full of the best banks in the world and the opportunity to join them some day. I also want to learn how banks got over the Great Depression and how banks are dealing in the recent situation to lower damages. Of all the university in United States, I chose to apply to Drexel University because it offers me options that suit me perfectly, such as high quality of education, colourful campus life and advantageous co-op program. The co-op program is the best that I can ask for because nowadays it is very difficult to find a job without work experience, especially in big companies, and by taking co-op I will not only have the opportunity to gain work experience and make money to afford university by my own but also learn things that cannot be learned at school like the organization and work routine of a company, making my first step into the society.

America and China's relationship has been rigid since long time ago, and I wish someday I would be helping resolve those problems by constructing an International Chinese-American bank to make exchange of rate and transfers of money easier from China to America and vice versa. I want to be part of people who help globalization.

My greatest dream since I was five was to help people who are unable to afford living expenses. Certainly to change the world is impossible, but I am confident to help people achieving their dreams by lending money reasonably based on their income, and not committing the same mistake that Lehman Brothers did. To achieve my own dream I started to take mathematics courses such as Functions, Calculus (the next semester) and Accounting, however is not enough and since my father is running an investment company I am planning to help him as assistant so that I can learn about the internal structure of a company and be more prepared for my co-op program to give better impressions. Then the only thing I will be missing is an admission to LeBow College of Business, because what suits me it is always the best for me.
Briana21 1 / 5  
Oct 30, 2011   #2
With the changes I suggested I think it should be enough. Good luck!

Can you also look at my UIUC essay?
OP Vivie93 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2011   #3
yeah sure but I cannot promise anything...because I suck in English...lol...also cuz I'm an international student.. anyway thanks again
sonya15 4 / 29  
Oct 30, 2011   #4
I revised some sentences that stuck out to me:

Since I was a small child, I have loved saving money given to me in my piggy-bank. People used to refer to me as the "money-saver girl".

"how banks are currently dealing with the recent situation to lower damages"

"Of all the universities in the United States, I chose to apply to Drexel University because it offers me options that suit me perfectly, such as a high quality of education, a colourful campus life and an advantageous co-op program. The co-op program is the best that I can ask for because nowadays it is very difficult to find a job without work experience, especially in big companies, and by participating in a co-op I will not only have the opportunity to gain work experience and make money to afford university but will also learn things that cannot be learned at school like the organization and work routine of a company, making my first step into the society."

Will you read mine?

Thanks and good luck :)
OP Vivie93 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2011   #5
Thanks =) but other than the grammar...what do you think about the content? Is it too common? What should I change?I should be writing why I want to study the major that I chose...


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