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Montage--the Four Essences of Cooking


zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 22, 2009   #1
It's an additional essay for common applicaiton.
Criticism is greatly appreciated

Common App: Montage--the Four Essences of Cooking



Scene One

Crack! Crack! The boiling oil suddenly burst into excitement as the freshest chicken pieces tumbled into the waiting wok. The warmth of nicely fried meat hugged me. My dimples deepened. In ten minutes, I would set out on the grand mission to escort my little cousin from kindergarten to share my cooking. I should dive through the high heel-mother crowds in my old sneakers, sprinted across the mini playground, threw open the door and spread my arms. I would be the first "parent" there and made him the proudest child of the day. In ten minutes, the hot spicy diced chickens with peanuts, lying pleasantly on a delicate china plate, were to meet two bouncing smiles. I believe the happiness of cooking lies in share.

Scene Two

Sob. She leaned on the kitchen door, misty eyed, watching me added vinegar to the fried shredded pork I especially cooked for her. "How I wish you would come with me", she signed. I stretched out a smile, "You will make friends with the most prominent students in Singapore." My best friend will set off for the top university in Singapore on a full scholarship soon. We were supposed to go together before I declined the offer. "Singapore is too small a place for you", she shrugged. "No", I answered as I poured more vinegar into the wok, "It's just like cooking. Some love vinegar, others don't. We choose different flavorings to compose our dishes." I lidded the wok, turned around and wiped away her tears. "Four years later, or shorter, when we remove the tops with expectation, I hope we can each find satisfaction on our plates." I know a great cook choose her seasonings with courage.

Scene Three

Chaw, chaw... "Hey, how do you like it?" I asked a girl when the whole class was chewing the desserts I deliberately cooked and brought. "Delicious." Another "Delicious"! The most thrilling fact I found in this rural elementary school during my volunteer as a geography teacher was that these kids tended to give horrible similar answers, as if they were robots under the commend of the same program. Their tones, the official languages they use, the contents they spoke made you think that they were reading through old-fashioned textbooks. However, great cooks are never those who follow every line in a cooking book, they add their creativeness to mix a new harmony. With a determined look, I walked to the dais and brushed away my syllabus. The next class I wouldn't introduce the outer sceneries, instead I would dig the inner treasuries. I guess nothing palatable can be cooked without originality in recipes.

Scene Four

Gabbling. We gathered on the second floor of the dining hall, debating over the school's representation scheme on the opening ceremony of the National MUN tomorrow. One of the ladies just suggested that we could perform stepdance, but immediately two gentlemen jumped up, expecting to kill the plan. It was no doubt a non-traditional idea. Nevertheless, no one was familiar with the skill except the proposed lady. I was to make the decision. Looking around, I saw anticipation as well as worry in my partners eyes. The smell of the dinning hall reminded me of the dozens times I set out to explore new the cooking methods. "We still have eighteen hours to learn tap dance!" I cheerfully claimed, "Everybody here is so bright that we are sure to make it." The third day, our representation photo appeared on the front page of the UN Daily. I deem a great cook is always confident to try.

Life is a like cooking a dish--knowing the value of share before hand, choosing the ingredient bravely when the time comes, adding creativeness to make it special within the process and trying your ideas confidently at all times. These are the four essences of Chinese cooking. These are my living codes.

EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 23, 2009   #2
This is a fascinatingly interesting way to look at life. I was hooked right at the beginning.

There are, though, problems with tense, which made it somewhat hard to follow. Also, and I know it's hard to resist when writing about food, there are too many adjectives. That's like putting too much salt in the recipe. Tell me just enough to make me want to taste it. Don't taste it for me and then tell me what it tasted like. Let the reader imagine what it is like.

Make sure your tense is consistent throughout and stop telling everything.
sting1000 3 / 3  
Oct 23, 2009   #3
Your introduction is very interesting.

Your tense keeps changing.
OP zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 24, 2009   #4
Thanks. Can anybody tell me which sentencs' tense need improvement? I can't figure it out myself. Thanks a lot!
hotsaucegrl 6 / 15  
Oct 24, 2009   #5
i really like your essay and the way you structured it.

"How I wish you would come with me", she signed.

did you mean she sighed? i'm not sure...
OP zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 24, 2009   #6
Thanks a lot, hatsaucegrl. I'm sorry for the grammatical mistakes.

I wonder is it okay if I use it as the main essay? Is it a little... to scattered as the main one.
Hope for more advise.
linmark /  
Nov 3, 2009   #7
Very original, engaging and refreshing!! (satiating??)
Aside from inconsistent tenses and some typos, I have 2 new pointers:

1) did you mean the Four Essentials of Chinese Cooking? Essences are flavors, smells; whereas what you summed up in the end ---(knowing the value of shareSHARINGbefore hand , choosing the ingredient bravely when the time comes, adding creativenessCREATIVITY to make it special within the process and trying your ideas confidently --- are more essential qualities. I think "essentials" is a better term than "ingredients."

2) You can strengthen this scene - the food connection is weak. Also, Gabbling is not a word I understand.
Scene Four
Gabbling.


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