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Montclair State's Personal statement has me stumped

kiwimay18 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2010   #1
"Explain your reasons for seeking admission to Montclair State University, including what you believe are your academic strengths and interests. Be certain to explain any situations that may have had an impact, either positively or negatively, on your academic record. List significant activities in which you have participated, both in school and out of school."

I want to enter a special program a medical program to be exact but if I'm not accepted to that specific program Montclair is still where I want to go.

I did good on my sats my grades on the other hand aren't that good but I still have a chance if I can wow them. Or so says my guidance counselor. I don't want to make up petty excuses but I know I should mention it, how should I go about that? I do volunteer work with adults with cerebral palsy and I'd like to give that some room in my essay as well as the fact I'm into photograph. I'm in ap photo now so I've stuck with it all 4 years in high school and love it. I'm in the ecology club and art honor society.

Should I include why I want to be a doctor? I always have wanted to but when my uncle died I saw how horrible the treatment was (it was a third world country but still). It broke my heart and it hurt even worst afterwards when I found out they could have saved him if they acted earlier. Seeing him die wasn't an easy thing and it has impacted my life. But I don't want to be all cliche and say that I want to be a doctor just to help people because they must get tons of applications that say that. But I would love to travel to places that don't have many resources when it comes to getting medical attention. To be able to bring relief to a family when someone has been sick for so long and they had no money or means to seek help.

Sorry for the rambling but I'm genuinely stuck. Its not really easy to write about myself unfortunately.
yf8651 16 / 31  
Jan 13, 2010   #2
Try to expand the second paragraph. Add some more trasition words and give more details.

As to your peoblem, I think you can just write. As long as the stroy moved you and as long as you write it carefully, you will not create cliche. Just be yourself.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 18, 2010   #3
I diagnose you with having been institutionalized. I submit that you perhaps have done so well in school because you like the security of doing what you are supposed to do, and now that it is time to announce your plan to attack the world, you are at a loss.

Of course, this is just a wild guess, and probably not true!!

But check to see if you really do have a plan for making a big splash, a big difference. What country are you going to change? What is your big plan? If you have a clear plan based on these experiences, then let that plan be the theme for your essay. Let it be something you cannot stop thinking about, and describe to the reader details about it.

You can mention your good SAT scores as you express enthusiasm about going to this particular school, and you mention that you were reileved to get such good scores because it increased the chances that you would be accepted. Express that you have wanted to go to Montclair for a long time.


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