Is this tOo BORING and General?
I would love any criticism or advice!!
How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)
"how" or a "why" questions in my life
Like most powerful questions, the most monumental in my life begin with a "how" or a "why." What began as adorable interest (like asking "Why don't they just say they love each other?" while watching Oklahoma at age four) morphed into serious inquiry (like asking "How can chemicals make them love each other?" while watching The Notebook at age twelve). Growing up, my questions revolved around how to help others and understand myself. As a teenager, noticing myriad somber faces of my peers led me to ask how I can utilize positivity to improve the lives of those around me. Additionally, seeing how my twin sister and I began to branch off in our hobbies and goals made me pester my parents about why I formed different interests from her. In my quest to explore those wonders of the world, I stumbled upon psychology, a field that promises to satiate my hungering curiosity.
Although I take pride in my grades, tenacity, and relentless hard work, I am most proud of the trust my friends instill in me. Even with my own struggles, I wear a mask of positivity and optimism, in hopes that it becomes contagious. From reading essays for my friends to offering advice and a safe space to a friend who felt completely exhausted with his life, I promote the wellbeing of others through positivity. To serve others most successfully, I have become engrossed in positive psychology. At University of Pennsylvania, the opportunity to work with Martin Seligman in the Positive Psychology Center remains paramount (I even own his book, Learned Optimism). Although he bears accomplishments aplenty, Seligman most captivated me with Character Strengths and Virtues; akin to Seligman, I prefer to focus on not what goes wrong and how to fix it, but what goes right and how to achieve it. At University of Pennsylvania, I hope to learn how to better ameliorate others.
While I constantly champion for helping others, I also possess a need for understanding myself. In psychology, I discovered the ever-present nature vs. nurture debate in hopes that it would answer why I differ from my twin sister. Heritability high, our nurture remains nearly identical, so why do our interests differ exponentially? As it turns out, a plethora of theories and branches of psychology explain our differences: behavioral psychology, cognitive psychology, social psychology, developmental psychology, and more. Strikingly, it is an aggregate of these fields of psychology that explains the differences of my twin and me. Most interested in developmental and cognitive psychology, I strive to work with assistant professor Allyson Mackey and professor Sara Jaffee. Mackey's research in brain plasticity of developing children renders me intrigued; perhaps it was the difference in our development-our brain plasticity-that set my twin and me apart. Moreover, Jaffee's research in gene-environment interplay resonates with me; perhaps it was how our genes-similar, but not identical-fared in our equally similar, but not identical environments that separates me from my twin. [I would even love to connect with my uncle/cousin, Phil Nichols, to understand critical reasoning] At University of Pennsylvania, I hope to learn how to better understand myself.
No longer can my parents answer my now brow-furrowing questions, but with the resources, faculty, and spirit at University of Pennsylvania, I can. No matter what, I will never cease my curiosity. Hopefully with University of Pennsylvania on the horizon, I can continue asking and answering "how" and "why.""Like most powerful questions, the most monumental in my life begin with a "how" or a "why.""
how AND a why, saying or makes it sound like you don't know which one it was
The things in the parentheses in the first paragraph make it feel crowded and hard to read.
"noticing myriad somber faces" a myriad of somber faces - it sounds kind of like you used a thesaurus in this section, you can use simple language, it doesn't make you seem less intelligence, it's knowing when to use a bigger word that shows intelligence--later in the sentence, you use the word utilize for example which I think is a decently larger word and its good!
Okay, so ultimately, I like where your first paragraph was going, but I didn't understand and was confused about where it was going until the last sentence. It needs some restructuring to make it clear that what you are trying to show is you were curious about psych topics from an early age.
"At University of Pennsylvania, the opportunity to work with Martin Seligman in the Positive Psychology Center remains paramount "
I don't understand if you did work with him or if you hope to! And about saying you own his book, I would say I've already written in all the margins or something like that. Owning his book shows knowledge of his existence but not a real understanding of what he does.
But I overall enjoyed the 2nd paragraph.
@scgoalie00
I really think you could paraphrase the first paragraph to be more read-able (Maybe omit the parantheses when they're not needed?).
Overall, I really like how you built the narrative from your sense inquiry to your interest in psychology. With a bit more fine work, this essay could be great.
