"Wheels and I don't mix," I haughtily announced to my dad after another frustrating summer afternoon of trying to learn to ride a bike. I was ten years old, and the only kid on the street who couldn't ride a two wheeler. Almost half of my life at this point had been plagued by fruitless attempts to abolish the rickety training wheels. Even my younger sister could ride circles around me. With a fresh wave of tears, I ditched my bike on the driveway, wheels spinning, and condemned myself to a life on foot.
I have always been the type of person to think things through before making a decision. At ten years old, unnecessary risks gave way to the "safe option." This was not to say I always took the path of least resistance. In fact, my stubborn refusals to ride a rollercoaster, climb a tree, and play lacrosse resulted in a perpetual struggle against my parents' implorations.
Some people prefer to take the easy way out, choosing the path of least resistance. Others plunge headlong into the most difficult option, without pausing to weigh the risks and benefits. I place myself somewhere in between; taking on challenges when appropriate, but knowing my own limitations.
As middle school and approached and passed by, I did finally learn how to ride a bike. The old hatred, however, stayed within me. I would only strap on a helmet and mount a bike when forced, and I was never sorry to get off. In the seven years that have passed, I think I may have ridden a bike only five or six times.
My sister recently attributed my hatred of bikes to a fear of "wheels and other round things." Pondering this thought as I tossed a whiffle ball for my dog, I was embarrassed to discover that this observation was true. It was around the same time I developed a dislike of bikes, perhaps a little earlier, that I eliminated most sports from my life. Soccer, basketball, lacrosse, anything involving the possibility of a ball coming in contact with my body. My parents implored me to try something new, but I stubbornly remained horrified at the thought of a basketball hitting me in the head.
There were other "round things" that I steered clear of in my childhood as well. Analog clocks, for example, evaded me for several years. I persisted on with my digital watch, snubbing the round circle whose hands and numbers eluded me. Hula hoops seemed to be magnetized to the ground when I stepped into them; I was always the first to loose a hula hooping contest. Pizza became the food which I detested most, along with all types of tomatoes.
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I wrote this a few months ago, but could not come up with a good ending, or thesis really. I feel as though this embodies a huge part of me, but I don't know what to say conclusively, how it has made me who I am today. Any suggestions? I need a "moral to the story"
Thanks!
what's the essay topic? I'll try reading through to round things up a bit.
why haughtily? HOT!ILY ^^ jk.
old, and
Almost half of my life at this point had been plagued by fruitless attempts to abolish themy rickety training wheels. [fruitless sounds interesting. abolish sounds wierd, but I guess the meaning is accurate enough.]
of person
implorations [is this a word :? haha]
"path of least resistance" is used twice in the same paragraph. I would try not to use the same expression one after another.
option, without
I place myself somewhere in between; taking on challenges when appropriate, but knowing my own limitations. [semi-colon is used incorrectly? it's supposed to split to independent clauses. the second one is dependent]
middle school and approached
"As middle school and approached and passed by, I did finally learn how to ride a bike. The old hatred, however, stayed within me. I would only strap on a helmet and mount a bike when forced, and I was never sorry to get off. In the seven years that have passed, I think I may have ridden a bike only five or six times." Maybe say this earlier. It flows with the rest, but maybe not so much in an admissions essay.
implored [begged you?]
That last paragraph is a hanger. Lots of information but why? If you want to use your current essay, try reformatting, maybe say in the beginning that phrase used by your sister. Then go from there, show how that is true...or place the "moral of the story" at the end..
I'm still confused about the topic, what do you have to write about?
"I think you could bring out your actual thesis a little more rather than focusing on the whole kissbiking thing. I didn't really get what the essay was about very easily" :|
*edit: ok, so the open topic, still I think you need a central theme in your essay other than just your distaste for all things round. Maybe say that this is something important to you , but expand on it...
Good luck with you apps!
