fsu essay, my moral strenght comes from Christ

can you pls review the following essay:
The Latin words "vires, Artes, and Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. The values embodied in these concepts are reflected in my life. It's interesting to me, that at the young age of 18, I see how important these values are. If I were to write this essay again at age 40 and then 60 it would be much different. Here are my thoughts at age 18.

Vires, signifying moral, physical and intellectual strength, is a concept I'm most familiar with. My moral strength comes from the life I have in Christ. I use God's word to guide me in all life's situations. I have a strong faith that is unshakable and I have not been let down by it or disappointed. Physical strength is important to me because I live in the body that I have. I use my body every single day to experience life! I must keep it healthy and strong. I have always been physically active from playing recreational soccer to competitive swimming. I seek new and interesting work out classes such as Zumba, Pilates and various forms of Yoga. Nutrition is important to maintaining physical strength. You must feed your body the proper nutrients it needs to stay strong and healthy. Another important concept of Vires is intellectual strength. Learning is fun, exciting and puts wrinkles on your brain! I am constantly learning from either books and school studies or life lessons. I love learning and will be the constant student the rest of my life.

In summary, life comes at you from all directions. How I "respond" to life is governed by my Vires, Artes and Mores. I have excellent role models in my life. I can see first hand from people who are much older than me how these concepts have impacted their lives.

Good afternoon.

Good start. What about Artes? You include it in the philosophies, but you do not talk about it specifically. If you mention it in the opening, you should talk about it in the body of the essay.

Also, watch your use of casual contractions such as "I'm" as they are inappropriate in academic writing. Also, refrain from using the pronoun "you" as it is also inappropriate in formal academic essays. Substitute "one" or "I" instead.