This is my rough draft i will be appreciative of any help i can get.
this is the prompt
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Vires, Artes, Mores aren't just a philosophy ,they are the essence of human behavior and how we adopt these philosophies in our lives displays what kind of character we posses. Human nature isn't plausible without Artes which is to express ones inner passion of creativity in the form of art, dance, and music or Mores which represents ones customs and traditions that allow one to embrace a concept of life to live by, but Vires is the one axiom that communicates my entire actuality into one word.
Moral strength is a phrase for explaining ones codes of ethic. Theses codes of moral judgment dictate how an individual reacts in life's many confrontations. A year ago, my best friend was dating a paragon of the perfect women. She was brilliant in every aspect, and possessed the most alluring personality. There always appeared to be some sort of minute attraction between us that neither of us admitted to. Every time that I was in her presents I was mesmerized by her gracefulness. After a period of time I didn't think I can restrain my feelings any longer and I had to express my affection for her. As soon as that realization materialize in my consciousness another one followed right after it, which was that if I announce anything it would damage or even annihilate any future friendship with my best friend, and that was unacceptable. By my evaluation of the situation I assured myself that the humane thing to do was to cease all emotions I have for her and that this action would save my relationship with my friend. That was an extremely arduous thing to accomplish but I did see it through. That occurrence demonstrates that I bear a moral compass of only right and virtuous ethics that I strongly adhere to.
Physical and intellectual strength go hand in hand. My belief is that if you can keep your body in a healthy state, your mind shall function at optimal efficiency. I engage in vigorous physical activity virtually every other day. When I return from the gym, I feel spectacular, yes I am bodily exhausted from the strain of working out, but my mind is sharp as ever. I am capable of performing any given assignment at considerable efficiency while producing outstanding work. When I do not partake in exercise, my body starts to deteriorate and I am not able to perform tasks like I used to. Therefore, to keep my mind agile I have to keep my body active, that's why my physical and intellectual strengths coincide in my life.
Artes and Mores are just as important as Vires, and those philosophies also partake in my daily life but I could not attribute them to my core personality. Vires is a true representative of my being, it displays that I carry the value of strength of great importance in my way of life. Whenever, I am put into any type of situation I will succeed in accomplishing it, and this characteristic I shall bear with me throughout all my life.
You may want to use the search feature on this website to see the kinds of essays other students have written for FSU on Vires. You will find that your essay doesn't particularly stand out from the crowd. You may want to think about that.
Also, someone who claims strength as a virtue ought to write with power. You use weak verb constructions -- there was this girl, there was this problem -- that undercut your presentation of yourself as someone who is all about strength.
It makes the sentence clearer if you cut it shorter.
Vires, Artes, Mores aren't just words that mean something and could be described in a couple of sentences. These three words can describe how a person lives his entire life.
