I've been working on this essay for a while now trying to reword it and reword it to make it flow right. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can change it to make it more original and not just sounding like every other college applicant that personifies these words. Thank you in advance.
Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Of the three virtues, I can most identify with "Vires". I believe that moral, physical, and intellectual strength are key to the whole person and describe what I strive for in my life.
My moral strength comes from my family. Family values have always been extremely important to me. The core values of respect, honesty, integrity, and family importance have been instilled in me since I was a child and I am thankful for that. I believe this has helped me tremendously as I have gone through my teenage years to stay on the right track and not fall for the negative peer pressure that high school students experience each day. I have been able to stay strong, keep my priorities in check and I have to thank my parents for this.
to develop and maintain physical strength requires dedication. I began playing sports at age 5/ first there was baseball, followed by basketball and soccer. While I enjoyed all the sports I played, I found a passion for baseball and a desire to be the best I can possibly be. To achieve that, I have been working out in a fitness gym 2 to 3 times a week, working with batting and pitching coaches, athletic trainers, and attending skill camps.
The final characteristic is intellectual strength. I truly enjoy learning and broadening my knowledge, especially in the fields of math, history, and science. While many of my classmates enjoy music videos, my favorite channels to watch, along with ESPN, are National Geographic, and the History Channel. My desire to learn has pushed me to take four AP classes my senior year. These include Physics, Calculus, Government, and Environmental Science. I believe this is all paying off too, as I am having a great time and have been more interested in school that I ever have been before.
The combinations of the different aspects of my life that I am strong at have made me a unique individual. Being morally, physically, and intellectually strong can only benefit myself as I grow into an adult. I have been a fan of Florida State athletics since I was a child and after learning more about the school I know it is the right fit for me to continue my college career.
That first paragraph can be developed a little better. Another sentence in that para to explain your personal kind of Vires will help to sharpen your meaning.
Boxin gave good advice here, for sure; let your activities serve as examples to develop the sharp, focused meaning of that first para.
