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Morgan State - to make a decision to join this school


skayode 1 / 3  
Dec 7, 2010   #1
WHY I WANT TO GET ADMITTED INTO MORGAN STATE UNIVERSITY

Most times, every individual is faced with a life-changing decision in which he or she is to make a decision. I realized that choosing a university is one of these important decisions after finishing high school. When I finished my high school, I was faced with this decision and after thorough research on the university I wanted to go, and I have finally made the right choice by applying to Morgan State University. While I was in high school, my father, who is my closest companion, usually advice me on decision-making: He often says that men who make choices have reasons for making them. Therefore, I have chosen Morgan State University and the reasons why I have chosen it would be discussed.

To start with, Morgan State University is enriched with excellent facilities that breed up studious and experienced student. These facilities include a well-stocked library, well-equipped sport centers, a good student-to-lecturer ratio, an excellently-built campus facility and an adequate research center. From my researches and seminars that I have attended, Educationists have made me to know that an excellent conducive environment supplement good teaching abilities which will bring about the output of great and experienced students.

Moreover, Morgan State University has good lecturers and specialists for my major -Medicine. Morgan State University has produced renowned doctors who have been recognized because of their competence. An example of these people is Mr. Cummings. With these achievements made in medicine, I hope to be like those who have made it and I believe that the first step in becoming a renowned doctor too is by attending the universities they attended and learn what they have learnt. Hence, I believe that the good administration has succeeded in bringing up leaders.

Furthermore, the cultural diversity has arrested my interest. The excellent logo of a lion and even the unique motto "Success: it is all about experience" has made ...
dlanki - / 24  
Dec 7, 2010   #2
While I was in high school, my father, who is my closest companion, usually advice me on decision-making...

The excellent logo of a lion and even the unique motto "Success: it is all about experience" has mademe to feel equal .

Hence, Morgan State University has all it takes to match my dream university, so those are the reasons why I really want to get admitted into Morgan State University.

good essay but I think the structures in red have grammatical errors.
reasons why sound repetitive to me. use either reasons or why but not both.

I like your writing though. could you please check out my essays I desperately need your expert opinion.

thanks in advance.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 18, 2010   #3
Here is a part I think you should cut:

These facilities include a well-stocked library, well-equipped sport centers, a good student-to-lecturer ratio, an excellently-built campus.... good teaching abilities which will bring about the output of great and experienced students.

All this stuff is meaningless. I want to see more about your plan for a future in medicine. The stuff that appears in a brochure should not be in your essay. Make the essay about your particular plan. :-)

Moreover, Morgan State University has good lecturers and specialists for my major -Medicine. Morgan State University has produced renowned doctors ...---This part is very good.

Make the reader feel a sense of inspiration about your plan for becoming a physician. You show, through this essay, that you are a bilingual student working very hard to achieve your goals, and it shows that you have learned English very well. The most important thing is to add more discussion of your PLAN. I think this essay is a winner!


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