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"mother's health problem and school activities" - admission letter


MarkD 1 / -  
Apr 21, 2011   #1
I seemed to go by daily routines, but I couldn't help myself noticing that I was in free fall. All these years that my body was at York U, my mind was elsewhere. I was unable to focus the professor's or TA's explanations on materials he/she was presenting. The only time I had little bit of clarity, I got the highest grade ever during my years in York University. The reason behind my academic failure is personal one. I feel guilty talking about it. I used to take of my mother. That is, I cooked, cleaned, took her to doctor to get chemo treatment and made sure that she took her medicine. Furthermore, I kept her company so that she did not feel lonely in that empty apartment. Knowing she was lonely made me uneasy and worrisome. She was going through a lot. When my day was over or i had spare time during lectures, I used to rush home. After long battle with cancer, she passed on better place last year.

Between my mother's health problem and required school activities (assignment, tutorial participation etc.) I end up developing my own health problem. I became diabetic, extremely overweight and developed high blood pressure. Also, I have chronic hepatitis c.

I spent long time grieving. Today, I am at peace with myself. I am taking care of health concern I am not worried, anxious or restless.

As result, I started thinking about my future. My dream has been always to earn a university degree. I hired a retired international studies professor. We explored problems facing developing countries. I did several essays and read few books. For the last two years, I have volunteered a community center where some of their programs targets refugee camps. I will going Nairobi, Kenya to explore progress have achieved.

One of the best thing ever happened to was getting accepted to XX University. Please give me a chance to finish my degree (International Developing Studies).
dumbdumb 2 / 20  
Apr 22, 2011   #2
I used to take of my mother
im guessing this sentence is not complete

she passed on to better place last year.

I ended up developing my own health problem

I am taking care of health concern I am not worried, anxious or restless. something is wrong here but i cnt exaktly spot what it is!

As result, I started thinking about my future.
1stly it shud be asa result..
secondly as a result of what??

I will be going to Nairobi, Kenya to explore the progress they/we ( which ever you mean to write here) have achieved.

i think sympathy isnt the best way to go about an admission letter
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 23, 2011   #3
I used to take of my mother
im guessing this sentence is not complete

Good call, Meeshal! I was going to say the same thing...

I spent a long time grieving. Today, I am at peace with myself. I am taking care of health concerns, an d I am not worried, anxious or restless.

I hired a retired international studies professor (hired him to do what... tutor you?).

This letter is very persuasive and well-written. I think you have a great style, and the tone of the letter reflects a very wise, focused personality. Good luck!! You are an excellent writer!


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