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my mother made a decision that would change my life forever - admission UF

Oct 20, 2008   #1
Can you please review and revise my essay for gramatical errors and/or suggestions on how to kame it better.

Growing up in Silver Springs, Maryland is one experience no child easily forgets. Silver Springs has a beautiful climate which has four almost perfect seasons, part of Montgomery county, one of the richest counties in Maryland and an educational system comparable to an Ivy League school. Contrary to the vast opportunities I had, life at home was not something every child dreams of. I was the product of an unstable single mother with drug and alcohol addictions and a nearly useless father who lived nearly 1000 miles away. Despite this, I thought I lived a considerably good life. I always knew my mother loved me and wanted the best for her children but did not understand what was best for me. In June 1999, my mother made a decision that would change my life forever.

It happened almost instantly, I found myself packing up all my belongings that could fit in a small red suitcase being reminded to only pack the necessities. Soon my 12 year old sister and I were waving goodbye to mommy on a compact greyhound bus. Our destination was Fort Lauderdale, Florida to live with our father while my mother got her life together. As anyone can imagine, leaving the only place you know and love dearly is not easy. In fact, I believe it was one of the hardest transitions I ever had to make.

In school I quickly realized I was much more advanced than the other students even after starting nearly three months late. Being the "new kid" was not easy in a public school system more "urban" than what I was used to. I did the only thing I knew how to do; adapt. Leaving behind memories and values instilled in me since I was four. I needed friends and knowledge did not give me the companion every child needs. By fourth grade teachers realized a significant change in my grades and behavior. The good girl from Maryland was no more; I had become a product of my environment. A very inspiring teacher had a talk with me and gave me some life changing guidance from Ralph Waldo Emerson. She said, "Jasmin, do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." It was then at that moment that I realized I did not have to become what society had set for me, I could set my own standards to succeed.

My experience leaving what I thought was a perfect world and entering something completely new taught me a lot at a fragile young age. I learned to follow my own path and become an innovative individual, values I will take with me if admitted into the University of Florida or wherever else life may take me.

Good afternoon.

Because the prompt and/or instructions were not included with this posting, I can edit for grammar and mechanics only.

"...part of Montgomery county, one of the richest counties in Maryland, and..."
"...and a nearly useless father who lived nearly 1, 000 miles away."

Other than that, your essay looks mechanically clean. Good work.

Moderator, EssayForum.com
Oct 21, 2008   #3
the topic was as follows:Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
Thank you.

It looks like your piece is a good response to the prompt. I suggest going a little deeper as to how this experience will help you contribute to the UF campus community. How will it effect your time there?

Moderator, EssayForum.com

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