My mother is an OPD nurse; UVA School of Nursing Essay - EXPERIENCE

Please help me in bettering this essay. I feel that the vocabulary is not very intellectual and it does not stand out.

Prompt: Discuss experiences that led you to choose the School of Nursing.

Attending the hospital with my mother, an OPD nurse, had been a usual occurrence. I used to accompany her to her workplace back in Nepal, during my breaks. I could not go inside the operation theatre, but when she was in there, I would explore the rest of the hospital. My five-year-old mind saw a lot more of pink scrubs than white coats that tended to the patients. I remember being confused because I thought the people in white coats were the ones that the patients looked to for help. My mother explained to me that the "pink scrubs" were nurses and the "white coats" were doctors, and that they had completely different jobs with different responsibilities. I also remember telling her the nurses had many more interactions with patients than doctors.

When my school started and my visits to the hospital stopped, my mother would tell me a story of one of her patients' cases. Every day after I came home from school, I would look forward to that story, each one of which enlightened me. As I grew older and eventually moved to the United States, I started to realize that nurses have one of the most rewarding careers by seeing their patients recover in front of their eyes. My mother continues to work as a nurse currently and I still look forward to her story each day.

maybe you should also include that your interested to hear the story of one of the patient, and it wants you to help them more. something like that... :)

"Attending the hospital"? It does not deliver any proper meaning? I think this line needs to be rephrased. Or you can start with the next line.


I agree with marizon. It is more convincing if you pick up one particular incident and elaborate on that. While telling that story, you should show your how your interest in this profession grew.